Defiance is welling up in me for no reason whatsoever. I've just finished my history essay on Hitler henchman, Heinrich Himmler. Head of Nazi State Police and supervisor of the concentration camp system, it was pretty hard writing an 'empathy essay' on him. I struggled through it though. I was a bit stuck when it came to the conclusion- i have a chronic difficulty of wrapping up a point- mostly because i forget what exactly i was trying to prove. anyhoo, i finally came up with the end line- "himmler may have been a monster, but he was a creature shaped of circumstance- as we all are." I asked me ma to edit the paper. God did she baulk when she read that sentence. No, no, she kept saying sharply. I felt a little rebuffed. I actually believed in what i said. i reckon we are creatures of circumstance. i could've been a murderer...It's only circumstance- my lifes series of events- that makes me who i am. Obviously, she disagrees. maybe i'm an idiot. what i said probably doesn't make sense. i dunno. yeah, i'd better resign myself to the idiot status. Cause if i am one, i'd rather know. I'd rather not run the risk of being ignorant of my ignorance. oh great, she just walked in and harangued me for not doing my share of the household chores. "you're doing the washing up tomorrow. not happy." i mean, she does have a valid point there, i haven't been doing as much as i should (god it's hard to be unbiased when i'm irritated) but the atmosphere was so warm earlier on. damn.

yeah, i'm probably wrong. (she says the next morning)