GOD i haven't listened to Green Day for so long. Oh, yeah....mmm....good. *do not mistake sounds as being sex-related*. pahaha. However, incidentally, i'm listennig to Long View at the moment. HAHAHAHAH. If you don't know what it's about, i ain't gonna tell ya.
Well. That's it. They're done. Over. Badaboom. Weekend here i come.
I've been thinking about changing my blog title "badaboom badabang* because i think that's what Mr Collins says in the Bollywood version of Pride and Prejudice, Bride and Prejudice. Lizzy looked horrified when he said it. I shall chew over ideas for new titles.
OMG. We had chemistry today, right? We were in sumner top level, the prep section annexed to the building. We were, say, 20 minutes into the exam when...
BOOM BOOM BOOM BANG BANG BANG CLASH CLASH CLASH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The little beggars, those snot-snosed, dirty-pawed, smelly-bummed little guttersnipes sounded like they were pounding away at a drum the size of canada with fists the diameter of an elephants rear. And it didn't stop. Oh, no. it must have gone on for TEN FRICKIN MINUTES. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW INFUMED I WAS. I WANTED TO STRANGLE THEIR SCRAWNY CHICKEN NECKS UNTIL THEY WERE BLUE IN THE FACE.
Fletcher went down to tell them to shut it. Even when she came back they were still at it. Ah, whatername...Isabonne, that's right, she stuck her head out the window and hollered "SHUT UP!!" For once, i agreed with her.
It did stop, eventually. Thank God. No respect. NO respect.
GOOD GRIEF. THERE IS NO END TO MY OUTRAGE TODAY.
I've just been reading the TV guide (am i going to submit myself to tv's brain-cell stealing embrace TONIGHT) and you should see some of the programmes on. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO TV? HOW DID IT GET SO TERRIBLE? *kate shudders with disgust*
let me read you one.
9:30 channel seven.
Trinny and Susannah undress the nation.
"Trinny and Susannah help women wo are failing to dress their age, whether dressing too old or to young."
DOOOO IIIIIIIIIII CAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEE??????????????????
No. No, i do not.
Right. I'm going to get out my Black Books Series 3 DVD and watch something WORTH THE WHILE.
20080529
20080528
ok. THAT is one helluva clumsy word. I'm on free rice at the moment. I got it right...but only cause i've watched 'the prestige'.
prestidigitator = magician.
try getting your tongue round THAT one. It's so common in conversations, isn't it?
"oh, yeah, i'm pretty good at card tricks, so i'm thinking about becoming a prestidigitator when i grow up."
by the way, (if you are there) i cracked up at the whole 'potato in wig thing'. I'm sure your egg artwork will stun the world, snort.
i just mispelled snort, and said snot. I didn't know them words were so chummy.
Talking about artwork, there's this famous australian artist who's been arrested or something, because his latest exhibit was bordering on pornography. The art world's outraged. It's ART, they're saying. There are no limitations on ART. They're photographs of this young naked girl. hmm. i'm not buying it. Next thing you know, we'll be exhibiting guts strung in pretty patterns, or (will my moral side let me? aw, what the hell, i feel indulgent) male genitals proudly on display. Ok, so maybe i'm going a bit far. still, dye see my point?
Rudd's not happy about it either. Poor Ruddy- i saw the headlines today. Looks like he's screwed up with the "Fuel Watch" scheme- instead of lowering petrol prices like its supposed to, its only esculating 'em. And, what's more, they were warned of it happening by their own experts. That's politicians for ya. Stubborn bastards.
I don't mind Ruddy though. He makes me laugh. haha, i don't think that's what he's supposed to do...but Australia's way past that whole 'revering the leader' kind of thing. We know he needs us more than we need him. Hahaha, on the news the other day, Ruddy was being interviewed. There was this guy beside him, i think it was another member, but you should have seen the look on his face! His eyes were shining with puppy-like awe as he looked up at the PM! Hilarious. hilarious. Well, i'll say this. He's better than Johnny. (i'm being extremely and unfairly prejudiced here. I really don't know a flea's bonnet about politics...but you know, its so easy to despise a government member who's been stagnating in his term for too long).
Isn't it so aggravating to know there's this exciting world all around you, but you just can't see it? You admire all these people who, i dunno, write books, paint amazing artworks, make music. And its all within our reach, to be great, just like them, to see the world as our oyster (to use a terribly hackneyed term). But- sometimes you just can't see the world around you as anything but boring. Sad, sad. By the way, usually when i say 'you', i mean 'i'. It's just a cowards way... as if i know what it's like for everyone else! But its comforting to be general.
prestidigitator = magician.
try getting your tongue round THAT one. It's so common in conversations, isn't it?
"oh, yeah, i'm pretty good at card tricks, so i'm thinking about becoming a prestidigitator when i grow up."
by the way, (if you are there) i cracked up at the whole 'potato in wig thing'. I'm sure your egg artwork will stun the world, snort.
i just mispelled snort, and said snot. I didn't know them words were so chummy.
Talking about artwork, there's this famous australian artist who's been arrested or something, because his latest exhibit was bordering on pornography. The art world's outraged. It's ART, they're saying. There are no limitations on ART. They're photographs of this young naked girl. hmm. i'm not buying it. Next thing you know, we'll be exhibiting guts strung in pretty patterns, or (will my moral side let me? aw, what the hell, i feel indulgent) male genitals proudly on display. Ok, so maybe i'm going a bit far. still, dye see my point?
Rudd's not happy about it either. Poor Ruddy- i saw the headlines today. Looks like he's screwed up with the "Fuel Watch" scheme- instead of lowering petrol prices like its supposed to, its only esculating 'em. And, what's more, they were warned of it happening by their own experts. That's politicians for ya. Stubborn bastards.
I don't mind Ruddy though. He makes me laugh. haha, i don't think that's what he's supposed to do...but Australia's way past that whole 'revering the leader' kind of thing. We know he needs us more than we need him. Hahaha, on the news the other day, Ruddy was being interviewed. There was this guy beside him, i think it was another member, but you should have seen the look on his face! His eyes were shining with puppy-like awe as he looked up at the PM! Hilarious. hilarious. Well, i'll say this. He's better than Johnny. (i'm being extremely and unfairly prejudiced here. I really don't know a flea's bonnet about politics...but you know, its so easy to despise a government member who's been stagnating in his term for too long).
Isn't it so aggravating to know there's this exciting world all around you, but you just can't see it? You admire all these people who, i dunno, write books, paint amazing artworks, make music. And its all within our reach, to be great, just like them, to see the world as our oyster (to use a terribly hackneyed term). But- sometimes you just can't see the world around you as anything but boring. Sad, sad. By the way, usually when i say 'you', i mean 'i'. It's just a cowards way... as if i know what it's like for everyone else! But its comforting to be general.
I can't think of a good title
Do you know how lazy i am?
I open the fridge to get a drink. I see the water jug sitting just how it's always been. I reach out to grab its handle. Then i stop. I've seen the half-filled water bottle sitting next to it. It beckons to me. I add up my options. Exert the effort of getting out a glass from the cupboard and performing the strenuous task of pouring- or pick up that bottle and drink straight from it.
It doesn't take long to decide. I don't even close the fridge. It's simply open fridge door, take a swig, then close.
I've neglected my crosswords for so long. Like crossword crosswords...not the cryptic ones. The straight ones. Like a synonym for 'seldom' or whatever. I've appalled at my limitations. God, i struggle to think of another word for 'messy'. That is pitiful.
*sigh of content* I'm listening to R.E.M right now. They're awesome. I can never think of a more intelligent adjective than 'awesome'. It's the only word that can express my penchant towards a music band, or a friend, or a movie. Always, "she's awesome", "counting crows are awesome", "Bruce Almighty is awesome". I'll look it up in the thesaurous. Let's see.
awesome = overwhelming, grand, breathtaking, splendid, tremendous, remarkable, amazing, awe-inspiring, astounding, humbling.
They all sound so pompous though. Oh yes, they're jolly splended, wot wot, jolly and other posh english-sounding waffle.
I've noticed, in these blogs, i rarely ever talk about stuff that i do. When i write, i don't want to talk about stuff that i already know, most of the time. I want to explore. I want to see how far i can go. I want to find something that i never knew was there.
Perhaps i should follow a course, though. Sporadic thoughts leap about the page- it's no wonder my essay structure is so poor. Nah...i like surprising myself. I like it here because it's limitless. No rules, no boundaries, no rigid fences declaring stoutly 'paragraph' and 'introduction' and 'topic sentence' (how foul those words taste under my fingers).
There's something i'm really confused about. You know that text that was supposed to 'save' me? "A Little Red Writing Book"? I still love it- it helped me to realise how much i loved writing once. How it wasn't always a tedious task that i had struggle to work up the nerve to start, and get going on, and finish (for school anyway). But it keeps saying 'don't use big words. they sound pompous, and indicate you don't have a clear idea of what you're saying. too ambiguous'. It stresses not to nominalise (make verbs into nouns and stuff). Like, say
The ecosystem is becoming serverly damaged by humans.
vs.
The debiliation of the functionings of our ecosystem is primarily a result of the pernicious actions of man.
(i.e. the guy's saying stick with the simple). BUT get this, while he's saying to nominalise is a sin itself, my history teacher actually GAVE OUR CLASS A SHEET ON HOW TO NOMINALISE. She says its a good thing. It makes you sound smart, and all that shit. But seriously...which is easier to read? They both mean the same thing. It's just going to frustrate the reader if you consistently try to apply the whole dictionary in a single sentence. They're attention will start to wander...and then you're screwed. So which one do i go with? I like the reasoning of this guy. His writing is like a breath of fresh air when all this time you didn't realise you were inhaling musty soot.
ah. I really want to read...um, whatsername, virginia woolf. There was a section of Mrs Dalloway in the book...and it was amazing. Amazing. God, do you know, i just gave this huge shiver then just thinking about it. I'm not kidding. Then, it could be a coincidence- it's been raining all day, and i'm wearing only short-sleeves.
Well, i've written a lot today. I always do when i'm not supposed to. When i have other more important things to do. It loses some of its magnetising appeal when i'm a free man (saying free woman sounds so weird. I'm being figurative in my terms here. Like mankind. Don't worry, i'm not facing a gender crisis).
should go. oh, i don't want to :(. I just want to write my whole brain across the page (it wouldn't take too long anyway).
QUOTE OF THE DAY: (R.E.M.--i'll take the rain)
The wind blew strong
The summer song
Fades to memory
I knew you when
I loved you then
The summer's young and helpless.
You laid me bare
You marked me there
The promises we made.
I used to think
As birds take wing
They sing through life so why can't we?
You cling to this
You claim the best
If this is what you're offering
I'll take the rain...
I open the fridge to get a drink. I see the water jug sitting just how it's always been. I reach out to grab its handle. Then i stop. I've seen the half-filled water bottle sitting next to it. It beckons to me. I add up my options. Exert the effort of getting out a glass from the cupboard and performing the strenuous task of pouring- or pick up that bottle and drink straight from it.
It doesn't take long to decide. I don't even close the fridge. It's simply open fridge door, take a swig, then close.
I've neglected my crosswords for so long. Like crossword crosswords...not the cryptic ones. The straight ones. Like a synonym for 'seldom' or whatever. I've appalled at my limitations. God, i struggle to think of another word for 'messy'. That is pitiful.
*sigh of content* I'm listening to R.E.M right now. They're awesome. I can never think of a more intelligent adjective than 'awesome'. It's the only word that can express my penchant towards a music band, or a friend, or a movie. Always, "she's awesome", "counting crows are awesome", "Bruce Almighty is awesome". I'll look it up in the thesaurous. Let's see.
awesome = overwhelming, grand, breathtaking, splendid, tremendous, remarkable, amazing, awe-inspiring, astounding, humbling.
They all sound so pompous though. Oh yes, they're jolly splended, wot wot, jolly and other posh english-sounding waffle.
I've noticed, in these blogs, i rarely ever talk about stuff that i do. When i write, i don't want to talk about stuff that i already know, most of the time. I want to explore. I want to see how far i can go. I want to find something that i never knew was there.
Perhaps i should follow a course, though. Sporadic thoughts leap about the page- it's no wonder my essay structure is so poor. Nah...i like surprising myself. I like it here because it's limitless. No rules, no boundaries, no rigid fences declaring stoutly 'paragraph' and 'introduction' and 'topic sentence' (how foul those words taste under my fingers).
There's something i'm really confused about. You know that text that was supposed to 'save' me? "A Little Red Writing Book"? I still love it- it helped me to realise how much i loved writing once. How it wasn't always a tedious task that i had struggle to work up the nerve to start, and get going on, and finish (for school anyway). But it keeps saying 'don't use big words. they sound pompous, and indicate you don't have a clear idea of what you're saying. too ambiguous'. It stresses not to nominalise (make verbs into nouns and stuff). Like, say
The ecosystem is becoming serverly damaged by humans.
vs.
The debiliation of the functionings of our ecosystem is primarily a result of the pernicious actions of man.
(i.e. the guy's saying stick with the simple). BUT get this, while he's saying to nominalise is a sin itself, my history teacher actually GAVE OUR CLASS A SHEET ON HOW TO NOMINALISE. She says its a good thing. It makes you sound smart, and all that shit. But seriously...which is easier to read? They both mean the same thing. It's just going to frustrate the reader if you consistently try to apply the whole dictionary in a single sentence. They're attention will start to wander...and then you're screwed. So which one do i go with? I like the reasoning of this guy. His writing is like a breath of fresh air when all this time you didn't realise you were inhaling musty soot.
ah. I really want to read...um, whatsername, virginia woolf. There was a section of Mrs Dalloway in the book...and it was amazing. Amazing. God, do you know, i just gave this huge shiver then just thinking about it. I'm not kidding. Then, it could be a coincidence- it's been raining all day, and i'm wearing only short-sleeves.
Well, i've written a lot today. I always do when i'm not supposed to. When i have other more important things to do. It loses some of its magnetising appeal when i'm a free man (saying free woman sounds so weird. I'm being figurative in my terms here. Like mankind. Don't worry, i'm not facing a gender crisis).
should go. oh, i don't want to :(. I just want to write my whole brain across the page (it wouldn't take too long anyway).
QUOTE OF THE DAY: (R.E.M.--i'll take the rain)
The wind blew strong
The summer song
Fades to memory
I knew you when
I loved you then
The summer's young and helpless.
You laid me bare
You marked me there
The promises we made.
I used to think
As birds take wing
They sing through life so why can't we?
You cling to this
You claim the best
If this is what you're offering
I'll take the rain...
The Turning
Tim Winton is my idol. His books are amazing. I'm reading "The Turning" at the moment. I never knew stories could be packed with so much intensity. God, it's as though his words have more life than reality. Than life itself. I suppose that merely reflects my current doldrums- the overstretched and bland existence that only succeeds to blow in a fresh breeze that shakes me awake every blue moon.
I'm not deep. I used to kind of believe i turned over some important issues- how could i have thought that? I spew out some pompous maxims on the generality of life- it becomes so tedious. I got lazy. I got cocky..i think. How am i supposed to figure out anything when i can't even be sure of my own identity? I'm serious- i have no idea who i am. I try to think how other people see me- i always come up with different hypotheses every time. Self-perception is so elusive- it flits about from your grasp- and when you think you've finally pinned it down, it turns to ash and air in your fingers. Is there even such thing as personal identity? Sometimes i can hardly believe there is. You can't rely on anybody to stay within the scopes of theirself. I'm constantly surprising myself by acting in ways that i would never do usually, and i think, is that me? Is that dry drollness, is that clumsy tongue-flapping, is that inexorable laziness a facet of my personality? How can they all coexist? How can these opposites be compatible in a single person? Who am i anyway?
I used to have aspirations to be a writer, i'll admit. It was a childhood fantasy, spurred by my grade four teacher. I recall her exact words when she handed back this story that i wrote:
"i'll be waiting to see your stories in the bookshops one day, Kate"
No, i lie, i don't recall her exact words. I said that for dramatic emphasis. hahah, i'm pitiful. Anyway, when she said that, i'm sure she had the best intentions. I mean, compliments are supposed to make you confident, right? Wrong. At least, it's the opposite for me. Most of the time, i really hate compliments. Want to know why? It's cause there's so much pressure attached to them. It means every time you slip, you think you're falling. You think you're plummetting, and you don't know if you'll ever be able to pick yourself up again. Everything seems to be always out of reach. Expectations are cruel.
Because of that, i've given up on dreaming. To aspire is to run the risk of devastating disappointment. Call that a sophism if you will. It may be...but i can't see it any other way. It may be why i still don't have a clue what i'm going to do with myself. Not a fuckin clue.
My theory also means every time i fail, i take on that failure as a part of myself. That's how i accept failure. I read in this book, "the social animal" that when other people, say, get a low mark on a test, we are likely to believe it is because they're a little bit more stupid than we thought them. We attach it to psychological factors. But if we do badly, we apportion it on 'bad luck' or a 'one off'. It's all about self-esteem, self-preservation, you could call it. Saving us from ourselves. I know i do that, sometimes...i'm not going to say that i'm separate from this human nature trait.
But not a lot. I try so hard not to deceive myself that i'm sure i do.
oh dear. I'm not making any sense. And i've been trying so hard to see the word more lucidly. That's a new goal in life. Add 'be clear' to the pile of 'be moral', 'be friendly' and 'find out what to be a 'good person' means. And always try. I guess that's all you've ever got to do. Try. That little world encompasses so much. Three letters.
QUOTE OF THE DAY: (Tim Winton, The Turning)
"When a wave breaks, the wtaer is not moving. The swell has travelled great distances but only the energy is moving, not the water. Perhaps time moves through us and not us through it. Seeing the Joneses on the street, the only people i recognise from the old days, just confirmed what i've thought since Alam Mannering circled me as his own, pointed me out with his jagged paling and left, that the past is in us, and not behind us. Things are never over."
I'm not deep. I used to kind of believe i turned over some important issues- how could i have thought that? I spew out some pompous maxims on the generality of life- it becomes so tedious. I got lazy. I got cocky..i think. How am i supposed to figure out anything when i can't even be sure of my own identity? I'm serious- i have no idea who i am. I try to think how other people see me- i always come up with different hypotheses every time. Self-perception is so elusive- it flits about from your grasp- and when you think you've finally pinned it down, it turns to ash and air in your fingers. Is there even such thing as personal identity? Sometimes i can hardly believe there is. You can't rely on anybody to stay within the scopes of theirself. I'm constantly surprising myself by acting in ways that i would never do usually, and i think, is that me? Is that dry drollness, is that clumsy tongue-flapping, is that inexorable laziness a facet of my personality? How can they all coexist? How can these opposites be compatible in a single person? Who am i anyway?
I used to have aspirations to be a writer, i'll admit. It was a childhood fantasy, spurred by my grade four teacher. I recall her exact words when she handed back this story that i wrote:
"i'll be waiting to see your stories in the bookshops one day, Kate"
No, i lie, i don't recall her exact words. I said that for dramatic emphasis. hahah, i'm pitiful. Anyway, when she said that, i'm sure she had the best intentions. I mean, compliments are supposed to make you confident, right? Wrong. At least, it's the opposite for me. Most of the time, i really hate compliments. Want to know why? It's cause there's so much pressure attached to them. It means every time you slip, you think you're falling. You think you're plummetting, and you don't know if you'll ever be able to pick yourself up again. Everything seems to be always out of reach. Expectations are cruel.
Because of that, i've given up on dreaming. To aspire is to run the risk of devastating disappointment. Call that a sophism if you will. It may be...but i can't see it any other way. It may be why i still don't have a clue what i'm going to do with myself. Not a fuckin clue.
My theory also means every time i fail, i take on that failure as a part of myself. That's how i accept failure. I read in this book, "the social animal" that when other people, say, get a low mark on a test, we are likely to believe it is because they're a little bit more stupid than we thought them. We attach it to psychological factors. But if we do badly, we apportion it on 'bad luck' or a 'one off'. It's all about self-esteem, self-preservation, you could call it. Saving us from ourselves. I know i do that, sometimes...i'm not going to say that i'm separate from this human nature trait.
But not a lot. I try so hard not to deceive myself that i'm sure i do.
oh dear. I'm not making any sense. And i've been trying so hard to see the word more lucidly. That's a new goal in life. Add 'be clear' to the pile of 'be moral', 'be friendly' and 'find out what to be a 'good person' means. And always try. I guess that's all you've ever got to do. Try. That little world encompasses so much. Three letters.
QUOTE OF THE DAY: (Tim Winton, The Turning)
"When a wave breaks, the wtaer is not moving. The swell has travelled great distances but only the energy is moving, not the water. Perhaps time moves through us and not us through it. Seeing the Joneses on the street, the only people i recognise from the old days, just confirmed what i've thought since Alam Mannering circled me as his own, pointed me out with his jagged paling and left, that the past is in us, and not behind us. Things are never over."
20080526
IT'S OVER!!
IT'S OOOOOVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT'S DONE!
I FEEL LIKE FRODO!!!
'IT'S OVER! IT'S DONE" WHEN THE RING WAS FINALLY THROWN INTO MOUNT DOOM, AND SAM AND HIM HAD FINALLY FINISHED THEIR ARDUOUS MISSION, AND SAURON WAS OVERTHROWN, AND MIDDLE EARTH WAS SAVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No, i didn't do wonderful. Yes, it was horrible while it lasted.
BUT IT'S FINISHED!!! god, i didn't realise how light the air felt when it wasn't laden with worry.
Ness- when i was sitting at the desk in Bosisto Hall, and they were handing out the papers, i gave a small smile. Want to know why? Because i heard your voice saying...
"Edna Mode!"
Relief. thank god. thank god. thankyou god...sorry, i know i said i'd believe in you if i didn't die during this exam....but....WHATEVER man, i lied. pahhahaha!! Come on, smite me almighty smiter!! *crazy bruce almighty laugh*
wait...i still have chemistry. ahum...i mean, hallelujah and all that jazz...yeah.
sigh. it's over.
IT'S DONE!
I FEEL LIKE FRODO!!!
'IT'S OVER! IT'S DONE" WHEN THE RING WAS FINALLY THROWN INTO MOUNT DOOM, AND SAM AND HIM HAD FINALLY FINISHED THEIR ARDUOUS MISSION, AND SAURON WAS OVERTHROWN, AND MIDDLE EARTH WAS SAVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No, i didn't do wonderful. Yes, it was horrible while it lasted.
BUT IT'S FINISHED!!! god, i didn't realise how light the air felt when it wasn't laden with worry.
Ness- when i was sitting at the desk in Bosisto Hall, and they were handing out the papers, i gave a small smile. Want to know why? Because i heard your voice saying...
"Edna Mode!"
Relief. thank god. thank god. thankyou god...sorry, i know i said i'd believe in you if i didn't die during this exam....but....WHATEVER man, i lied. pahhahaha!! Come on, smite me almighty smiter!! *crazy bruce almighty laugh*
wait...i still have chemistry. ahum...i mean, hallelujah and all that jazz...yeah.
sigh. it's over.
20080525
i feel like talking to somebody. Mr Bloggie, you'll do fine.
Let's talk about something different, shall we? yes. no. yes. no. no.
yes.
no!
i don't know. I should be thinking of lit...but i'm just not equal to it right now.
how the hell do you write an essay on poetry anyway? oh gosh.
shh. kate. calm down. breathe.
i've written two practice essays. I surprised myself. They weren't too bad (and by that i mean they actually had sentences, not just words littered about senselessly). But then...i've been wrong before. I may be overestimating myself. They may in fact be crap. They probably are.
And anyway. Experience has taught me my brain refuses to function under pressure. And exams are the divine examples of pressure situaitons.
Like in the year ten exams (God to be back in good ol' year ten. Complaining about staying up to nine o'clock doing homework! shock) i'm trying to lighten the atmosphere by reassuring myself that the future will come. The exams are not the stopping point in my life. There's something beyond that. I'll, one day, be able to look back and go, thank god that's over.
But it does little to reassure me. Because i'll look back and feel the shame of my pitiful performance. And, unlike year ten exams, these ones actually count towards TEE. What can one say, other than 'fuck'? That single word is all i seem to spout recently. I don't know how many times, after staring at a blank screen for a couple minutes, i have scrawled
FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
across the page.
Letter 'k' is so harsh, don't you think? So angular in word, so biting in speech. It cracks against the air. No wonder its in the f word. No wonder the infamous racist group is called the ku klux klan. And my name is Kate. No, i won't injure my name, because then i'm concurrently insulting the other million who share it. It's so very common. Sometimes i can hardly believe that's my name. That's my NAME. i think many people get that, don't they?
well. no use putting it off any longer. we don't have much time Kate.
Let's talk about something different, shall we? yes. no. yes. no. no.
yes.
no!
i don't know. I should be thinking of lit...but i'm just not equal to it right now.
how the hell do you write an essay on poetry anyway? oh gosh.
shh. kate. calm down. breathe.
i've written two practice essays. I surprised myself. They weren't too bad (and by that i mean they actually had sentences, not just words littered about senselessly). But then...i've been wrong before. I may be overestimating myself. They may in fact be crap. They probably are.
And anyway. Experience has taught me my brain refuses to function under pressure. And exams are the divine examples of pressure situaitons.
Like in the year ten exams (God to be back in good ol' year ten. Complaining about staying up to nine o'clock doing homework! shock) i'm trying to lighten the atmosphere by reassuring myself that the future will come. The exams are not the stopping point in my life. There's something beyond that. I'll, one day, be able to look back and go, thank god that's over.
But it does little to reassure me. Because i'll look back and feel the shame of my pitiful performance. And, unlike year ten exams, these ones actually count towards TEE. What can one say, other than 'fuck'? That single word is all i seem to spout recently. I don't know how many times, after staring at a blank screen for a couple minutes, i have scrawled
FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
across the page.
Letter 'k' is so harsh, don't you think? So angular in word, so biting in speech. It cracks against the air. No wonder its in the f word. No wonder the infamous racist group is called the ku klux klan. And my name is Kate. No, i won't injure my name, because then i'm concurrently insulting the other million who share it. It's so very common. Sometimes i can hardly believe that's my name. That's my NAME. i think many people get that, don't they?
well. no use putting it off any longer. we don't have much time Kate.
20080524
I can talk about my own vanity and other inadequacies relatively easily, can’t I? I am constantly trying to dissect my own emotions. Study them; see if they are founded on false belief, or whether they are an appropriate response to what caused them. Open them up, peer inside with curiosity. Poke them with a stick and see if they squirm.
please, god, to be lucid is all i ask.
Yesterday, i experienced a revelation. I was feeling exceptionally down and out, because i had just had my art exam. Honestly, the writing skills of a five year old would have impressed more than my incomprehensible jargon. I became so hopeless in my comparitive essay, that i was reduced to:
Image 'a' yada yada yada image 'b' yada yada yada. Over and over and over and over. My conclusion trickled into nothing. I had no argument. It could be summed up with 'dot dot dot'.
Perhaps the reason for this extreme inadequacy was that my stupidity had been finally realised by my lit teacher. Ellen told me Park had just marked our poetry essays, and that they were in 'that folder over there'. Why did i look? Those two numbers hit me first; their minute weight was devastating. Robot-like, my eyes moved onto his first sentence comment. It has tortured me unremittedly.
"kate, this essay was not up to your usual standard."
He then went onto say how i had repeated myself again and again, and had failed to make a coherent argument. Well, i can't say i wasn't expecting a bad result- but i was so vain as to not brace myself for that.
A lovely way to enter an exam.
My dears, please. If you have ever entertained even the slightest notion that i can 'write', please banish it entirely. I simply cannot express myself coherently, other than on the topic that i cannot express myself coherently. I am sure i could write an essay on my own inabilities at lit. Irony at its cruellest.
Desperation drove me to seek help. I went on google and typed in the words 'how to write an essay'. Yes- our teachers drum it into us again and again "state thesis, argue a point, topic sentence, explain, example, conclusion". Whatever. I understand the concept well enough- the structural part of it. But i don't know how. Does that even make sense?
Well, after a good deal of sifting, i found a page, that i pray to a god i dont believe in will mark a turning point in my writing from here onwards. Take a look.
http://www.write101.com/jgconfidence.htm
I read it over at least three times. That's me, i thought. That's me! I wrote this shortly afterwards, in an attempt to order my feelings.
And all this time- how could I have believed that long words were stable indicatives of intelligence? They only achieved in sending me so far from reason, that I failed to be coherent, not only to the reader, but to myself! I cannot express my shock. That I could be so dim-witted! I do declare, an empty piggy bank has more sense! Let us hope, Kate, that this new approach is used prudentially. No more ‘utilised’ no more ‘myriad’. I now know what Mr Park meant by ‘fluffing out sentences’. Do not muddy the water, Kate. Do not cloud sense, overstuff it with useless jargon. Keep it crystal, keep it succinct. Let the words shine. Let them glow- you were smothering them. They were being slowly and surely strangled by their own obscurity, and everyone could realise that but you. Let them breathe. Set them free. By doing so, you are being more empathetic to your reader, and, more importantly, refraining from insulting the very core of the english language.
I only hope that this is the answer. For my lit exam is on Monday, and i am terrified beyond belief that my mind will become paralysed, as it so often does, and i will retreat into old and worn habits. Please...
Yesterday, i experienced a revelation. I was feeling exceptionally down and out, because i had just had my art exam. Honestly, the writing skills of a five year old would have impressed more than my incomprehensible jargon. I became so hopeless in my comparitive essay, that i was reduced to:
Image 'a' yada yada yada image 'b' yada yada yada. Over and over and over and over. My conclusion trickled into nothing. I had no argument. It could be summed up with 'dot dot dot'.
Perhaps the reason for this extreme inadequacy was that my stupidity had been finally realised by my lit teacher. Ellen told me Park had just marked our poetry essays, and that they were in 'that folder over there'. Why did i look? Those two numbers hit me first; their minute weight was devastating. Robot-like, my eyes moved onto his first sentence comment. It has tortured me unremittedly.
"kate, this essay was not up to your usual standard."
He then went onto say how i had repeated myself again and again, and had failed to make a coherent argument. Well, i can't say i wasn't expecting a bad result- but i was so vain as to not brace myself for that.
A lovely way to enter an exam.
My dears, please. If you have ever entertained even the slightest notion that i can 'write', please banish it entirely. I simply cannot express myself coherently, other than on the topic that i cannot express myself coherently. I am sure i could write an essay on my own inabilities at lit. Irony at its cruellest.
Desperation drove me to seek help. I went on google and typed in the words 'how to write an essay'. Yes- our teachers drum it into us again and again "state thesis, argue a point, topic sentence, explain, example, conclusion". Whatever. I understand the concept well enough- the structural part of it. But i don't know how. Does that even make sense?
Well, after a good deal of sifting, i found a page, that i pray to a god i dont believe in will mark a turning point in my writing from here onwards. Take a look.
http://www.write101.com/jgconfidence.htm
I read it over at least three times. That's me, i thought. That's me! I wrote this shortly afterwards, in an attempt to order my feelings.
And all this time- how could I have believed that long words were stable indicatives of intelligence? They only achieved in sending me so far from reason, that I failed to be coherent, not only to the reader, but to myself! I cannot express my shock. That I could be so dim-witted! I do declare, an empty piggy bank has more sense! Let us hope, Kate, that this new approach is used prudentially. No more ‘utilised’ no more ‘myriad’. I now know what Mr Park meant by ‘fluffing out sentences’. Do not muddy the water, Kate. Do not cloud sense, overstuff it with useless jargon. Keep it crystal, keep it succinct. Let the words shine. Let them glow- you were smothering them. They were being slowly and surely strangled by their own obscurity, and everyone could realise that but you. Let them breathe. Set them free. By doing so, you are being more empathetic to your reader, and, more importantly, refraining from insulting the very core of the english language.
I only hope that this is the answer. For my lit exam is on Monday, and i am terrified beyond belief that my mind will become paralysed, as it so often does, and i will retreat into old and worn habits. Please...
20080522
the only thing to fear is fear itself
could it have been any worse? "The only thing to fear is fear itself" Roosevelt said- it's relevance to my personal situation was ironic. I knew the context- for god's sake, i'd studied it til i'd learned it to death. But i couldn't get it out. I was paralysed. I hope you will forgive me if i be so bold as to say: fuck.
off self pity now. That can get me nowhere-worse than nowhere, in fact.
well, three down, three to go. Has it only been three? blimey, this week has stretched on forever. I feel as if i have at least 5 under my belt.
freedom. ah- sounds so sweet. I am actually longing to go back to school. Back to normality. Back to the routine, the backbreaking homework, the early mornings. I actually found myself longing yesterday for a time when confidence wasn't a necessity. where i could call myself stupid and not have to worry about how a drop in confidence could lower output in exams. "to believe is thusto be" remember? Ridiculous, innit?
In a few short hours, my strong belief that i could not survive without writing has dramatically reduced, haha. Faced with my own complete lack of coherence, the total absence of rational, SENSE, i now can see myself existing without having to look my ignorance in the eye through the written word. Why can't i speak like this is exams, bloggie? You are no work of art, but at least i am sensible of what i am writing, most of the time. You are more ordered than my essays, despite deficient in structure, and often purposefully erratic. sigh.
so much for not injecting any more self-pity into the system. you hypocrite. come on, kate. back to work. back to work. it's not over yet.
QUOTE OF THE DAY: ( W. Edwards Deming)
If you can't describe what you are doing as a process, you don't know what you're doing.
It is not enough to do your best; you must know what to do, and THEN do your best.
off self pity now. That can get me nowhere-worse than nowhere, in fact.
well, three down, three to go. Has it only been three? blimey, this week has stretched on forever. I feel as if i have at least 5 under my belt.
freedom. ah- sounds so sweet. I am actually longing to go back to school. Back to normality. Back to the routine, the backbreaking homework, the early mornings. I actually found myself longing yesterday for a time when confidence wasn't a necessity. where i could call myself stupid and not have to worry about how a drop in confidence could lower output in exams. "to believe is thusto be" remember? Ridiculous, innit?
In a few short hours, my strong belief that i could not survive without writing has dramatically reduced, haha. Faced with my own complete lack of coherence, the total absence of rational, SENSE, i now can see myself existing without having to look my ignorance in the eye through the written word. Why can't i speak like this is exams, bloggie? You are no work of art, but at least i am sensible of what i am writing, most of the time. You are more ordered than my essays, despite deficient in structure, and often purposefully erratic. sigh.
so much for not injecting any more self-pity into the system. you hypocrite. come on, kate. back to work. back to work. it's not over yet.
QUOTE OF THE DAY: ( W. Edwards Deming)
If you can't describe what you are doing as a process, you don't know what you're doing.
It is not enough to do your best; you must know what to do, and THEN do your best.
On a deserted island
today marks the day of my first exam essay. Or, rather i should say "essays".
I feel an apology is in order - you are probably sick to death of hearing about the 'e' word as you've just finished yours. Be warned - these blog posts will be incredibly tiresome over the next few weeks. Even more dull than usual; therefore coma-inducing.
Other thoughts about Castaway came yesterday. If i was stuck on an island like that, i think it would be necessary to go a little crazy to keep yourself from going totally insane. Don't you think? I mean, imagine it otherwise. Having to perpetually face reality that YOU ARE ALONE. No man can live like that.
Also, if i were somehow 'castaway' i don't think i could bear not writing. It's the only place where i can realise myself. I'm serious- i hardly know my own personality til i actually write something, and my eyes are often surprised by what they see on the page. weird, right? I'd fill the cave walls with chalk writings, about anything, everything, nothing at all. At least, so i surmise. Of course, these projections could be entirely false, for i cannot even come close to portending the emotions that i would experienc if such a major extraction from society were to occur. What could you not live without? music? that indeed would be a hard one. Society, of course- but that goes without being said. hmm. we really should appreciate everything so much more.
well, i had better get back to history. Gosh, i got the collywobbles. Every time i think about where i will be in four hours (good grief, IS THAT ALL??) i feel decidedly queasy.
wish me luck. God, if you're there, give me a hand, will ya?
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"There is not work to be had. I can't accept charity and i am too proud to appeal to my kin or friends, and i am too honest to steal. So i see no other couse. A land flowing with milk and honey and a first class mechanic can't make an honest living. I would rather take my chances with a just god than with unjust humanity."-- the suicide note of a desperate individual in the Depression.
'by five o'clokc tension had mounted to such a pitch that a workman outside the upper floor of a wall street building found himself staring into the wild eyes of four policemen who were reaching out to pull him inside.
"Don't jump" one cop shouted. "it's not that bad."
"who's going to jump?" the bewildered man asked. "i'm just washing windows!"'-- when the stock market plummetted with the burst of the speculation bubble, many stockbrokers hurled themselves off high rises when they saw their million reduced to cents.
I feel an apology is in order - you are probably sick to death of hearing about the 'e' word as you've just finished yours. Be warned - these blog posts will be incredibly tiresome over the next few weeks. Even more dull than usual; therefore coma-inducing.
Other thoughts about Castaway came yesterday. If i was stuck on an island like that, i think it would be necessary to go a little crazy to keep yourself from going totally insane. Don't you think? I mean, imagine it otherwise. Having to perpetually face reality that YOU ARE ALONE. No man can live like that.
Also, if i were somehow 'castaway' i don't think i could bear not writing. It's the only place where i can realise myself. I'm serious- i hardly know my own personality til i actually write something, and my eyes are often surprised by what they see on the page. weird, right? I'd fill the cave walls with chalk writings, about anything, everything, nothing at all. At least, so i surmise. Of course, these projections could be entirely false, for i cannot even come close to portending the emotions that i would experienc if such a major extraction from society were to occur. What could you not live without? music? that indeed would be a hard one. Society, of course- but that goes without being said. hmm. we really should appreciate everything so much more.
well, i had better get back to history. Gosh, i got the collywobbles. Every time i think about where i will be in four hours (good grief, IS THAT ALL??) i feel decidedly queasy.
wish me luck. God, if you're there, give me a hand, will ya?
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"There is not work to be had. I can't accept charity and i am too proud to appeal to my kin or friends, and i am too honest to steal. So i see no other couse. A land flowing with milk and honey and a first class mechanic can't make an honest living. I would rather take my chances with a just god than with unjust humanity."-- the suicide note of a desperate individual in the Depression.
'by five o'clokc tension had mounted to such a pitch that a workman outside the upper floor of a wall street building found himself staring into the wild eyes of four policemen who were reaching out to pull him inside.
"Don't jump" one cop shouted. "it's not that bad."
"who's going to jump?" the bewildered man asked. "i'm just washing windows!"'-- when the stock market plummetted with the burst of the speculation bubble, many stockbrokers hurled themselves off high rises when they saw their million reduced to cents.
20080521
hooo. hate bio. failed. ah well. watcha gonna do.
history next- i saw mrs porter after b exam to get her to read some stuff. She was rather compassionate.
Her: "you alright about tomorrow?"
Me: "noo..i'm worried about by brain freezing up"
Her: "ah. bec does that too"
...awkward silence...
Me tentatively: "bec...?"
Her: "my daughter"
Of course. I should have known that. haha.
well. I'm hungry...exams sure do drain you. I tried berocca this morning...good...cept it makes you constantly want to pee. A definite drawback.
i sure needed a pick-me-up though. I went to bed at 11, and woke up at 3:00 and couldn't get back to sleep. GOD IT WAS SO ANNOYING. I like drifted in and out until 5:30, then overslept and woke at 7:10. grr.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself-- Roosevelt, inauguration speech.
history next- i saw mrs porter after b exam to get her to read some stuff. She was rather compassionate.
Her: "you alright about tomorrow?"
Me: "noo..i'm worried about by brain freezing up"
Her: "ah. bec does that too"
...awkward silence...
Me tentatively: "bec...?"
Her: "my daughter"
Of course. I should have known that. haha.
well. I'm hungry...exams sure do drain you. I tried berocca this morning...good...cept it makes you constantly want to pee. A definite drawback.
i sure needed a pick-me-up though. I went to bed at 11, and woke up at 3:00 and couldn't get back to sleep. GOD IT WAS SO ANNOYING. I like drifted in and out until 5:30, then overslept and woke at 7:10. grr.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself-- Roosevelt, inauguration speech.
20080520
Math Nightmare, bio, email and
I had a horrible nightmare Sunday night.
I was milling about the house, doing nothing in particular, when i noticed the clock on the wall had stopped. Panic gripped me; i reached for my watch- I WAS ALREADY TEN MINUTES LATE FOR THE MATHS EXAM!!! I yelled out, I'VE GOT TO GO, etc, etc, and everybody was excruciatingly slow at moving to the car. Then, halfway there, i realised i had forgotten my graphics.
In this state of sheer terror, i woke.
not the best way to start the morning of a maths exam.
Well, tomorrow's bio. omg, my sister got 90% in her yr 11 one! Unbelievable. you can't beat that.
I'm not sure if yr 11's are able to go into the library to study. I had hoped to do so today, and i had also hoped to see my history teacher there, to ask a couple of questions. In fact, i e-mailed her yesterday (don't worry, she gave out her address). For some reason, the e-mail couldn't be sent, and THANK GOD IT COULDN'T. When i wrote it, i fully believed i was in a state of sensibility. take a look. be prepared to wince at every knowing such a person as Kate Prendergast. remember- this is to a TEACHER.
hey mrs porter
sorry to bother you, but is it ok if i could drop in some practice history essays tomorrow for you to read? i'm still not sure if i'm fully answering the question...very bad at doing that...which is unfortunate because (as you teachers all keep telling us) if you don't answer the question, nothing you say, whether it be brilliant or utter codswallop, can get you marks.
anyhoo
if i drop them in tomorrow morning on the 2nd floor of Sumner, can you give me an idea of when i can get some feedback? sorry...i sound rather demanding. Blame exams. they are the ultimate advocate for egocentricity.
thanks :)
kate prendergast
Yes, i'm unbelievable. I think i was slightly crazed after the maths exam- it was written directly after.
RIGHT. Study. hmm. Let's do some art definition words, shall we?
cause...um...we're supposed to write an essay on art analysis AND I HAVEN'T THE FOGGIEST HOW.
me:
This painting....is blue. The blueness of this painting gives it a blue-like quality that is attached to so many other...blue...paintings. Blue.
i have just realised how strange the world blue looks. Don't you think?
I keep thinking of Castaway. I love that film so much. It's so sad. I refuse to believe sis when she said it was only made as a marketing ploy for Fedex- you know, those boxes he found on the beach.
"i know you, i know you! So. We're ok? ok."
"i'm sorry, Wilson, I'm sorry". Wilson floats into the distance.
and
"i love you. You're the love of my life"...but she's married.
I don't like the ending though. You know, with that lady, and him standing at the crossroads? i don't get it.
I've been thinking, and i reckon Chuck Noland's relationship with Wilson is remarkably similar to my relationship with God. make what you will of that.
QUOTES OF THE DAY:
"The doc told me I had a dual personality. Then he lays an 82 dollar bill on me, so I give him 41 bucks and say, 'Get the other 41 bucks from the other guy.'"
— Jerry Lewis
"You must stop this interview now as I have come to end of my personality."
— Quentin Crisp
I was milling about the house, doing nothing in particular, when i noticed the clock on the wall had stopped. Panic gripped me; i reached for my watch- I WAS ALREADY TEN MINUTES LATE FOR THE MATHS EXAM!!! I yelled out, I'VE GOT TO GO, etc, etc, and everybody was excruciatingly slow at moving to the car. Then, halfway there, i realised i had forgotten my graphics.
In this state of sheer terror, i woke.
not the best way to start the morning of a maths exam.
Well, tomorrow's bio. omg, my sister got 90% in her yr 11 one! Unbelievable. you can't beat that.
I'm not sure if yr 11's are able to go into the library to study. I had hoped to do so today, and i had also hoped to see my history teacher there, to ask a couple of questions. In fact, i e-mailed her yesterday (don't worry, she gave out her address). For some reason, the e-mail couldn't be sent, and THANK GOD IT COULDN'T. When i wrote it, i fully believed i was in a state of sensibility. take a look. be prepared to wince at every knowing such a person as Kate Prendergast. remember- this is to a TEACHER.
hey mrs porter
sorry to bother you, but is it ok if i could drop in some practice history essays tomorrow for you to read? i'm still not sure if i'm fully answering the question...very bad at doing that...which is unfortunate because (as you teachers all keep telling us) if you don't answer the question, nothing you say, whether it be brilliant or utter codswallop, can get you marks.
anyhoo
if i drop them in tomorrow morning on the 2nd floor of Sumner, can you give me an idea of when i can get some feedback? sorry...i sound rather demanding. Blame exams. they are the ultimate advocate for egocentricity.
thanks :)
kate prendergast
Yes, i'm unbelievable. I think i was slightly crazed after the maths exam- it was written directly after.
RIGHT. Study. hmm. Let's do some art definition words, shall we?
- assemblage...combination or construction of various three dimensial objects to create an artwork
- atmospheric perspective...creates the illusion of distance using the diminihg intensity of colours. (shift to cooler colours, blurring of edges)
- aesthetic...the pleasuable and beautiful as distinct from the useful and scientific.
- closed form...a form, especially in painting, whose contour is not broken or blurred
- contour...the visible border of an object in space that creates the illusion of mass and volume in space
- rectilinear...straight lines are stressed in rectilinear compositions (geometric)
- figurative...paintings etc whose subject matter is derived from human or animal forms. represents clearly recognisable depictions of nautre, human beings and the world as compared to abstarct/symbolic compositions
- focal point...the point of interest or point to which the eye is direted or focused in an artwork
cause...um...we're supposed to write an essay on art analysis AND I HAVEN'T THE FOGGIEST HOW.
me:
This painting....is blue. The blueness of this painting gives it a blue-like quality that is attached to so many other...blue...paintings. Blue.
i have just realised how strange the world blue looks. Don't you think?
I keep thinking of Castaway. I love that film so much. It's so sad. I refuse to believe sis when she said it was only made as a marketing ploy for Fedex- you know, those boxes he found on the beach.
"i know you, i know you! So. We're ok? ok."
"i'm sorry, Wilson, I'm sorry". Wilson floats into the distance.
and
"i love you. You're the love of my life"...but she's married.
I don't like the ending though. You know, with that lady, and him standing at the crossroads? i don't get it.
I've been thinking, and i reckon Chuck Noland's relationship with Wilson is remarkably similar to my relationship with God. make what you will of that.
QUOTES OF THE DAY:
"The doc told me I had a dual personality. Then he lays an 82 dollar bill on me, so I give him 41 bucks and say, 'Get the other 41 bucks from the other guy.'"
— Jerry Lewis
"You must stop this interview now as I have come to end of my personality."
— Quentin Crisp
20080519
hehe, thanks sammie. I sure do hope so, though my doubt seems to far exceed yours on that matter.
had me maths exam today. Meh. It's the one i least care about, but i have a feeling it's going to be better than the others. For the others, you really have to THINK you know? It's not simply applying rules.
Well. What shall it be today? Gas exchange in a plant? Classifications? Surface Area to Volume Ratio? ho hum. I shall do a hodge-podge study today. I really should exand out of biology to something else...but MEH. biology is next...i'll leave the other til, say, a night before i have 'em.
SURFACE AREA TO VOLUME RATIO
Surface area determines how efficient a cell is at exchanging materials with their environment. As cell size increases, SA:V ratio decreases, as diffusion cannot adequately supply the entire cell, thus the cell becomes inefficient at exchanging materials between their environment. Thus, single-celled organisms are restricted in size, because they obtain nutrients mainly though diffusion.
Surface area to volume ratio is also important in gas exchange in multicellular organisms. Gas exchange surfaces (such as the alveoli in lungs and the lamella in gills) are extremely large, increasing the rate of diffusion. Many aquatic creatures have adapations (oooh, sorry mr forma, almost said 'adaptions') or extensions which increase their surface area. This is due to the low concentrations of oxygen in water; and therefore they need to take measures to adequately meet requirements.
by god, i keep using the same words. "thus", "requirements" "surface area" "efficient". EXPAND, KATE EXPAND!! BREAK FREEEEEE!!!
haha.
ok. i'm bored. so much for that. sigh.
QUOTES OF THE DAY:
La Rochefoucauld: "We can forgive those who bore us. We cannot forgive those whom we bore."
Voltaire: "Le sens commun n'est pas si commun." [= "Common sense is not so common."]
had me maths exam today. Meh. It's the one i least care about, but i have a feeling it's going to be better than the others. For the others, you really have to THINK you know? It's not simply applying rules.
Well. What shall it be today? Gas exchange in a plant? Classifications? Surface Area to Volume Ratio? ho hum. I shall do a hodge-podge study today. I really should exand out of biology to something else...but MEH. biology is next...i'll leave the other til, say, a night before i have 'em.
SURFACE AREA TO VOLUME RATIO
Surface area determines how efficient a cell is at exchanging materials with their environment. As cell size increases, SA:V ratio decreases, as diffusion cannot adequately supply the entire cell, thus the cell becomes inefficient at exchanging materials between their environment. Thus, single-celled organisms are restricted in size, because they obtain nutrients mainly though diffusion.
Surface area to volume ratio is also important in gas exchange in multicellular organisms. Gas exchange surfaces (such as the alveoli in lungs and the lamella in gills) are extremely large, increasing the rate of diffusion. Many aquatic creatures have adapations (oooh, sorry mr forma, almost said 'adaptions') or extensions which increase their surface area. This is due to the low concentrations of oxygen in water; and therefore they need to take measures to adequately meet requirements.
by god, i keep using the same words. "thus", "requirements" "surface area" "efficient". EXPAND, KATE EXPAND!! BREAK FREEEEEE!!!
haha.
ok. i'm bored. so much for that. sigh.
QUOTES OF THE DAY:
La Rochefoucauld: "We can forgive those who bore us. We cannot forgive those whom we bore."
Voltaire: "Le sens commun n'est pas si commun." [= "Common sense is not so common."]
20080518
ah. bloggie. bloggie, bloggie, bloggie.
console me. hearten me. share my grief. soothe me. You are my confidante. (gosh i've been longing to use that word somewhere).
the panic has started to set in.
it all began with the geometric sequences. I started revising them about 2 hours ago.
With little success.
I had been relatively confident before.
Come on kate. Positive. You can't allow yourself to be negative at a time like this.
HAHAHA! guess what i did last night-watch castaway!!
WIIIILLLLSSSSOOOONN!!!
Tom Hanks is so cool. I love that movie. I've felt so guilty about it today though. What was i thinking? was i insane? how was i able to conveniently forget that
ITS FRICKIN EXAMS ON MONDAY!!!!
ah well. watcha gonna do. i'm getting that blank stare thing and my mind just isn't working. You know when you look at something, spend about 2 minutes reading a 15 word sentence, and forget its entire content 4 seconds later?
but it's ok. it's gonna be ok. don't play mind games with yourself, kate. just leave it at 'it's-going-to-be-o-k."
Right. Let's talk about something else, shall we? I had coffee today (a wild attempt to stimulate myself). Don't know if it worked. But i'm going to have a cup tomorrow morning, just in case. No harm done. I won't heap it in though...i'll end up leaping up in the middle of the exam onto my desk and shrieking like a chimpanzee from an excessive high.
And that wouldn't be very nice, would it precious? --[in golem's voice]
god. i hate this. i'm scared to study for fear i'll realise my stupidity and lose my nerve entirely, but i can't just sit here, whiling away the time while my brain cells decompose at a much faster rate than usual for no particular reason.
hmm. i wish someone could slap me.
hey me, d'ye think you could...
...*slap*
...
...
nope, it don't really work when you do it yourself. It's all about getting caught out unawares.
HAHAHAHA!!!!!!! you really think i'm nuts doncha??
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
Treebeard: Hroom, hm, come, my friends. The Ents are going to war. It is likely that we go to our doom. The last march of the Ents. [motivational theme music]
console me. hearten me. share my grief. soothe me. You are my confidante. (gosh i've been longing to use that word somewhere).
the panic has started to set in.
it all began with the geometric sequences. I started revising them about 2 hours ago.
With little success.
I had been relatively confident before.
Come on kate. Positive. You can't allow yourself to be negative at a time like this.
HAHAHA! guess what i did last night-watch castaway!!
WIIIILLLLSSSSOOOONN!!!
Tom Hanks is so cool. I love that movie. I've felt so guilty about it today though. What was i thinking? was i insane? how was i able to conveniently forget that
ITS FRICKIN EXAMS ON MONDAY!!!!
ah well. watcha gonna do. i'm getting that blank stare thing and my mind just isn't working. You know when you look at something, spend about 2 minutes reading a 15 word sentence, and forget its entire content 4 seconds later?
but it's ok. it's gonna be ok. don't play mind games with yourself, kate. just leave it at 'it's-going-to-be-o-k."
Right. Let's talk about something else, shall we? I had coffee today (a wild attempt to stimulate myself). Don't know if it worked. But i'm going to have a cup tomorrow morning, just in case. No harm done. I won't heap it in though...i'll end up leaping up in the middle of the exam onto my desk and shrieking like a chimpanzee from an excessive high.
And that wouldn't be very nice, would it precious? --[in golem's voice]
god. i hate this. i'm scared to study for fear i'll realise my stupidity and lose my nerve entirely, but i can't just sit here, whiling away the time while my brain cells decompose at a much faster rate than usual for no particular reason.
hmm. i wish someone could slap me.
hey me, d'ye think you could...
...*slap*
...
...
nope, it don't really work when you do it yourself. It's all about getting caught out unawares.
HAHAHAHA!!!!!!! you really think i'm nuts doncha??
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
Treebeard: Hroom, hm, come, my friends. The Ents are going to war. It is likely that we go to our doom. The last march of the Ents. [motivational theme music]
20080517
a site for study..who'd a thunk it?
Dearest Bloggie
you will be pleased to know that i found you infinitely and suprisingly useful in my biology studies a few posts ago. Therefore, bear with me, or better yet, ignore me, dear reader; for no doubt the following will be long and dreary, and of no particular use to the non-biologist.
GAS EXCHANGE IN AQUATIC ANIMALS
Gas exchange in all animals is essential for respiration; to supply cells with oxygen and remove waste carbon dioxide. Small or thin organisms with a large SA:V ratio are able to obtain oxygen through simple diffusion. Often, extensions such as external gills aid diffusion by increasing SA:V ratio, thus increasing the site of gas exchange. These gills are fine and thread-like networks, which fan out and are supported by the waters buoyancy. Because the concentration of oxygen is relativley lower than in air, an increased surface area is very useful to water-dwelling creatures. However, external gills have a crucial drawback in that they are highly susceptible to damage. Should they be destroyed, then the organisms access to oxygen will be limited, or obliterated entirely. Without this vital gas, cell respiration cannot occur; and therefore it will ultimately die, unless it has other means of obtaining oxygen.
Aquatic creatures have adapted to cope with this difficulty through internal gills, commonly known as the site of gas exchange in fish. Gills are highly vascularised- ie. they have a rich supply of blood capilleries. They consist of several pairs of gill arches on either side of teh opercular cavity. Multiple gill filaments extend from the arches, held by a solid base. Gill lamellae on each filament increase surface area, increasing the amount of O2 than can be diffused. Water is pushed over the gills between filaments. Blood in the vessels on the filaments flows in the opposite direction to the water, thus creating a counter-current mechanism. This means that the deoxygenated blood from the body is constantly being met with higher O2 concentrations from the water. Therefore a high and constant concentration gradient is maintained.
As i have previously stated, there O2 is not highly soluble in water, necessitating measures to increase O2 uptake. Gill-bearers have combated this problem by making the gill lamellae of adjacent gill arches overlap at their tips. This slows the flow of water, maximising the amount of O2 diffused to up to 96%.
As fish gills are protected, they require some sort of mechanism to draw water over their surface. They do this through alternating pressure in separate body cavities.
1. For inspiration, the floor of the buccal cavity is lowered, and water rushes in the the mouth
2. The mouth is closed, and the buccal floor cavity is raised, causing the water to flow into the region of low pressure in the opercular cavity. The opercular flaps remain closed, and the water passes over the gills, where dissolved oxygens diffuse into the lamellae.
3. The opercular valve compresses inwards, creating an opening, and increasing pressure. Water is expelled. The water does not flow back into the buccal cavity, as it retains a high water pressure than the outside water pressure.
THUS the water is pushed past the gills by a double-pumping mechanism.
As this mechanism is regulated through a difference in pressures, no energy is expended.
Other ways by which aquatic animals obtain oxygen that i failed to mention before...
1. sponges have flagella which beat water-currents
2. worms use rhythmic wavings of the body to increase water circulation (HAHHAHA! DISCO WORM)
3. echinoderms have outgrowth on their body to increase SA
4. crustaceans have special appendages which beat to pull water over gills.
eh. that's enough for now. sorry to be a pain. hungry. eat sushi now.
but i shall never deprive you of your...
QUOTES OF THE DAY: Oscar Wilde quotes
I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
This wallpaper will be the death of me; one of us will have to go.
you will be pleased to know that i found you infinitely and suprisingly useful in my biology studies a few posts ago. Therefore, bear with me, or better yet, ignore me, dear reader; for no doubt the following will be long and dreary, and of no particular use to the non-biologist.
GAS EXCHANGE IN AQUATIC ANIMALS
Gas exchange in all animals is essential for respiration; to supply cells with oxygen and remove waste carbon dioxide. Small or thin organisms with a large SA:V ratio are able to obtain oxygen through simple diffusion. Often, extensions such as external gills aid diffusion by increasing SA:V ratio, thus increasing the site of gas exchange. These gills are fine and thread-like networks, which fan out and are supported by the waters buoyancy. Because the concentration of oxygen is relativley lower than in air, an increased surface area is very useful to water-dwelling creatures. However, external gills have a crucial drawback in that they are highly susceptible to damage. Should they be destroyed, then the organisms access to oxygen will be limited, or obliterated entirely. Without this vital gas, cell respiration cannot occur; and therefore it will ultimately die, unless it has other means of obtaining oxygen.
Aquatic creatures have adapted to cope with this difficulty through internal gills, commonly known as the site of gas exchange in fish. Gills are highly vascularised- ie. they have a rich supply of blood capilleries. They consist of several pairs of gill arches on either side of teh opercular cavity. Multiple gill filaments extend from the arches, held by a solid base. Gill lamellae on each filament increase surface area, increasing the amount of O2 than can be diffused. Water is pushed over the gills between filaments. Blood in the vessels on the filaments flows in the opposite direction to the water, thus creating a counter-current mechanism. This means that the deoxygenated blood from the body is constantly being met with higher O2 concentrations from the water. Therefore a high and constant concentration gradient is maintained.
As i have previously stated, there O2 is not highly soluble in water, necessitating measures to increase O2 uptake. Gill-bearers have combated this problem by making the gill lamellae of adjacent gill arches overlap at their tips. This slows the flow of water, maximising the amount of O2 diffused to up to 96%.
As fish gills are protected, they require some sort of mechanism to draw water over their surface. They do this through alternating pressure in separate body cavities.
1. For inspiration, the floor of the buccal cavity is lowered, and water rushes in the the mouth
2. The mouth is closed, and the buccal floor cavity is raised, causing the water to flow into the region of low pressure in the opercular cavity. The opercular flaps remain closed, and the water passes over the gills, where dissolved oxygens diffuse into the lamellae.
3. The opercular valve compresses inwards, creating an opening, and increasing pressure. Water is expelled. The water does not flow back into the buccal cavity, as it retains a high water pressure than the outside water pressure.
THUS the water is pushed past the gills by a double-pumping mechanism.
As this mechanism is regulated through a difference in pressures, no energy is expended.
Other ways by which aquatic animals obtain oxygen that i failed to mention before...
1. sponges have flagella which beat water-currents
2. worms use rhythmic wavings of the body to increase water circulation (HAHHAHA! DISCO WORM)
3. echinoderms have outgrowth on their body to increase SA
4. crustaceans have special appendages which beat to pull water over gills.
eh. that's enough for now. sorry to be a pain. hungry. eat sushi now.
but i shall never deprive you of your...
QUOTES OF THE DAY: Oscar Wilde quotes
I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
This wallpaper will be the death of me; one of us will have to go.
20080516
i watched World News Australia today. I couldn't stop crying. My God, how can we live like this? How can i live like this? bodies, pale and bloated in the water. Everywhere, floating. A thirteen year old who clung to a tree for fourteen hours as he watched his entire family being washed away. A father, collapsing, eyes hollow, stumbling as the people around hold onto him; his child has been found in the ruins of the school, the epicentre of the earthquake. Parents, waiting, waiting. A young boy, who had to have both arms amputated, otherwise he wouldn't make it. He pleaded that he could keep one, just to hold a pen.
how can we live like this? fuck, we're too trivial.
but the wheel turns, and the world revolves, and it doesn't stop for anything.
it makes me want to give up everything, everything i have ever owned, empty my whole bank account...just to save one. Why can't i? i give myself the pitiful excuse that the money might make me able to help more people in the future than a couple of thousand dollars could ever do. But i don't trust myself. I don't have the skills, and i don't have the compassion.
fuck millionaires. how can they live with themselves, with their accounts bursting- don't they know that if they gave up their aspirations for that porche, they could've made a mother smile? Why? WHY
but then...i am rich. i go to a fuckin private school. We're renting, we can't even buy a house of our own, but we're still well off. There's no denying that. For God's sake.
Rescuers at China quake epicenter, digging by hand
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080514/ap_on_re_as/china_earthquake
"HANWANG, China - Soldiers rushed to shore up a dam cracked by this week's powerful earthquake, and rescuers came by helicopter and ship Wednesday into the isolated epicenter but still were forced to dig for survivors with their bare hands.
Nearly 26,000 people remained buried in collapsed buildings from Monday's magnitude 7.9 earthquake, and the death toll of almost 15,000 was expected to climb as relief operations spread into the mountains of Sichuan province. The quake triggered landslides that blocked roads to hardest-hit areas.
Even as the rescue effort seemed to gather momentum — speeded by clearing weather after two days of rain — caring for tens of thousands of people made homeless across the disaster zone have stretched thin the government's resources.
Homeless victims begged for aid on roadsides, and people settled in for a third night in a growing sprawl of refugee camps littered with garbage. In Hanwang, a town in one of the hardest-hit counties, survivors stood hoping for handouts from cars, jostling with each other to reach to one vehicle where a passenger passed bottled water out the window.
"I'm numb," said Zhao Xiaoli, a 25-year-old nurse working at a makeshift triage center in tire factory driveway. "The first day, hundreds of kids died when a school collapsed. The rest who came in had serious injuries. There was so little we could do for them."
how can we live like this? fuck, we're too trivial.
but the wheel turns, and the world revolves, and it doesn't stop for anything.
it makes me want to give up everything, everything i have ever owned, empty my whole bank account...just to save one. Why can't i? i give myself the pitiful excuse that the money might make me able to help more people in the future than a couple of thousand dollars could ever do. But i don't trust myself. I don't have the skills, and i don't have the compassion.
fuck millionaires. how can they live with themselves, with their accounts bursting- don't they know that if they gave up their aspirations for that porche, they could've made a mother smile? Why? WHY
but then...i am rich. i go to a fuckin private school. We're renting, we can't even buy a house of our own, but we're still well off. There's no denying that. For God's sake.
Rescuers at China quake epicenter, digging by hand
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080514/ap_on_re_as/china_earthquake
"HANWANG, China - Soldiers rushed to shore up a dam cracked by this week's powerful earthquake, and rescuers came by helicopter and ship Wednesday into the isolated epicenter but still were forced to dig for survivors with their bare hands.
Nearly 26,000 people remained buried in collapsed buildings from Monday's magnitude 7.9 earthquake, and the death toll of almost 15,000 was expected to climb as relief operations spread into the mountains of Sichuan province. The quake triggered landslides that blocked roads to hardest-hit areas.
Even as the rescue effort seemed to gather momentum — speeded by clearing weather after two days of rain — caring for tens of thousands of people made homeless across the disaster zone have stretched thin the government's resources.
Homeless victims begged for aid on roadsides, and people settled in for a third night in a growing sprawl of refugee camps littered with garbage. In Hanwang, a town in one of the hardest-hit counties, survivors stood hoping for handouts from cars, jostling with each other to reach to one vehicle where a passenger passed bottled water out the window.
"I'm numb," said Zhao Xiaoli, a 25-year-old nurse working at a makeshift triage center in tire factory driveway. "The first day, hundreds of kids died when a school collapsed. The rest who came in had serious injuries. There was so little we could do for them."
20080515
another day, another passing.
i'm feel evil, because i've been really cranky towards the parentals.
ah well.
i'll make up for it after exams, haha!
i get so insensitive to other people in these stressful times....DAMN EXAMS! MAKE US EGOCENTRICAL!!
yes, i blame them for everything. They are the ultimate bane of man.
ummm. [come on, come on kate, i was hoping to procrastinate for at least a little longer than THIS].
Yay! Mum's getting into SBS! when you watch it, and abc, you realise how tragic and fake the other channels are. They seem to be only good for the occasional blockbuster. But i shan't talk of TV.
Gandalf!
"Don't tempt me Frodo!"
All roads lead to Middle Earth.
well, i spose i'd better get on with it. This week has gone uncommonly fast. Usually that's a good thing.
i hate time. Never works the way you want it to. it jeers at me from the wall, it's unremorseful blank face staring stolidly, it's hands clapping faster and faster every minute.
bah. humbug.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"A great many people think they are thinking when they are acutally rearranging their prejudices."- William James (1842-1910)
i'm feel evil, because i've been really cranky towards the parentals.
ah well.
i'll make up for it after exams, haha!
i get so insensitive to other people in these stressful times....DAMN EXAMS! MAKE US EGOCENTRICAL!!
yes, i blame them for everything. They are the ultimate bane of man.
ummm. [come on, come on kate, i was hoping to procrastinate for at least a little longer than THIS].
Yay! Mum's getting into SBS! when you watch it, and abc, you realise how tragic and fake the other channels are. They seem to be only good for the occasional blockbuster. But i shan't talk of TV.
Gandalf!
"Don't tempt me Frodo!"
All roads lead to Middle Earth.
well, i spose i'd better get on with it. This week has gone uncommonly fast. Usually that's a good thing.
i hate time. Never works the way you want it to. it jeers at me from the wall, it's unremorseful blank face staring stolidly, it's hands clapping faster and faster every minute.
bah. humbug.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"A great many people think they are thinking when they are acutally rearranging their prejudices."- William James (1842-1910)
20080514
ok. bloggie. help me study.
THE JOURNEY OF A RED BLOOD CELL IN THE DOUBLE CLOSED TRANSPORT SYSTEM OF A MAMMAL
Deprived of oxygen after it's tiresome journey around the body, the red blood cell enters the superior vena cava and the inferior vena cava into the right upper chamber of the heart, the right atrium. The tricuspid valves (aided by the contraction of the papillary muscles which pull down on the cordae tendonae) open, and the blood cells fill the right ventricle. The bicuspid valve closes, and the red blood cells move up past the semi-lunar valves into the two pulmonary arteries. The arteries lead to the lungs, where the blood cells are oxygenated through the diffusion of oxygen in the alveoli across to the fine network of capilleries which surround them. Haemoglobin, a respiratory pigment, is often present on the red blood cells, to enhance their carrying capacity of oxygen, thus increasing the efficiency of respiration. The red blood cell then enters the heart on the left side to the left atrium through the pulmonary veins. Bipassing the bicuspid valves, it enters the left ventricle, which pumps the blood on its body (systemic) circuit via the semi-lunar valves, and through the aorta (major artery). The cardiac muscle is much thicker on this side, as it needs to be a great deal stronger to push the blood around the body as opposed to only the lungs, which are in much closer proximity. The pressure of the blood entering the heart from the systemic circuit is a lot lower than the pressure of the blood leaving for it.
COOL FACT: A blue whale's aorta (major artery coming form the heart carrying oxygenated blood) is SO HUGE THAT YOU COULD DRIVE A MINI THROUGH IT.
Crikey!!! Imagine the size of it's heart for god's sake!!! It would be bigger than a Hooverville!! But then, hoovervilles, or shanty houses weren't very big at all. American's struck by the effects of the Depression were forced to live in them, as they lost their houses because they could no longer pay the mortgage or rent. poor people.
jesus. 20 000. Why aren't i crying? Why isn't everyone wailing, screaming? It could have been here. In another life, i could have lost a brother, a lover, a friend.
A quote just came to mind.
Medic Wade, saving private ryan.
"Just give him a fucking chance you son of a bitch! Son of a fucking bitch!"
Where the 'him' is the world, and the 'son of a bitch' is fate.
It's so sad learning about the Depression. haha, sounds obvious from the title, eh? Funny- i've suddenly realised this unit has focussed a lot on economics...and i detest economics...and the only reason i liked this study course is because it was wearing the disguse of a different name. how deceitful. how fortunate.
I'm nervous about lit. Very nervous. It just doesn't sink in, you know? All the stuff i've learnt in the text...My teacher gave us practice quesitons today. I took one look at them and thought 'bloody hell! i can't answer these!" There is such a high expectation for a complexity of ideas, a concise and discerning method of answering. i may be able to throw in a pretty word every now and again, but seriously...essays ELUDE ME. i don't even know if that makes sense. blimey.
QUOTE OF THE DAY: (trying to remember 'shall i compare thee to a summer's day: shakespeare)
"shall i compare thee to a summer's day?
thou art more lovely and more temperate
rough winds do shake the darling buds of may
and summer's lease has all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines
and oft is his golden complexion dimmed
and every fair from fair sometimes declines
by chance, or natures changing course untrimmed
but thy eternal summer shall not fade
nor lose possession of that fair that thou owest
nor death brag thou wandrest in his shade
when in eternal lines to time thou growest
so long as men can breathe and eyes can see
so long lives this, and this gives life to thee."
phew.
THE JOURNEY OF A RED BLOOD CELL IN THE DOUBLE CLOSED TRANSPORT SYSTEM OF A MAMMAL
Deprived of oxygen after it's tiresome journey around the body, the red blood cell enters the superior vena cava and the inferior vena cava into the right upper chamber of the heart, the right atrium. The tricuspid valves (aided by the contraction of the papillary muscles which pull down on the cordae tendonae) open, and the blood cells fill the right ventricle. The bicuspid valve closes, and the red blood cells move up past the semi-lunar valves into the two pulmonary arteries. The arteries lead to the lungs, where the blood cells are oxygenated through the diffusion of oxygen in the alveoli across to the fine network of capilleries which surround them. Haemoglobin, a respiratory pigment, is often present on the red blood cells, to enhance their carrying capacity of oxygen, thus increasing the efficiency of respiration. The red blood cell then enters the heart on the left side to the left atrium through the pulmonary veins. Bipassing the bicuspid valves, it enters the left ventricle, which pumps the blood on its body (systemic) circuit via the semi-lunar valves, and through the aorta (major artery). The cardiac muscle is much thicker on this side, as it needs to be a great deal stronger to push the blood around the body as opposed to only the lungs, which are in much closer proximity. The pressure of the blood entering the heart from the systemic circuit is a lot lower than the pressure of the blood leaving for it.
COOL FACT: A blue whale's aorta (major artery coming form the heart carrying oxygenated blood) is SO HUGE THAT YOU COULD DRIVE A MINI THROUGH IT.
Crikey!!! Imagine the size of it's heart for god's sake!!! It would be bigger than a Hooverville!! But then, hoovervilles, or shanty houses weren't very big at all. American's struck by the effects of the Depression were forced to live in them, as they lost their houses because they could no longer pay the mortgage or rent. poor people.
jesus. 20 000. Why aren't i crying? Why isn't everyone wailing, screaming? It could have been here. In another life, i could have lost a brother, a lover, a friend.
A quote just came to mind.
Medic Wade, saving private ryan.
"Just give him a fucking chance you son of a bitch! Son of a fucking bitch!"
Where the 'him' is the world, and the 'son of a bitch' is fate.
It's so sad learning about the Depression. haha, sounds obvious from the title, eh? Funny- i've suddenly realised this unit has focussed a lot on economics...and i detest economics...and the only reason i liked this study course is because it was wearing the disguse of a different name. how deceitful. how fortunate.
I'm nervous about lit. Very nervous. It just doesn't sink in, you know? All the stuff i've learnt in the text...My teacher gave us practice quesitons today. I took one look at them and thought 'bloody hell! i can't answer these!" There is such a high expectation for a complexity of ideas, a concise and discerning method of answering. i may be able to throw in a pretty word every now and again, but seriously...essays ELUDE ME. i don't even know if that makes sense. blimey.
QUOTE OF THE DAY: (trying to remember 'shall i compare thee to a summer's day: shakespeare)
"shall i compare thee to a summer's day?
thou art more lovely and more temperate
rough winds do shake the darling buds of may
and summer's lease has all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines
and oft is his golden complexion dimmed
and every fair from fair sometimes declines
by chance, or natures changing course untrimmed
but thy eternal summer shall not fade
nor lose possession of that fair that thou owest
nor death brag thou wandrest in his shade
when in eternal lines to time thou growest
so long as men can breathe and eyes can see
so long lives this, and this gives life to thee."
phew.
20080513
I have started doing my homework (well, staring it at least) in the library this term. I'm surprised at how effective it is. I actually get quite a bit done. No distractions i guess, (apart from those pesky year eights who i just want to walk up to and jam a sock in their relentlessly mobile jaws). I stay til six. Weird. But it's good. I feel like i've accomplished something...just because i was in the library environment, haha. I dunno...i think one of the main incentives is that it kind of makes me think of the Gryffindor common room.
oh! i want to go to Hogwarts!!!!
...so badly. *moan of longing*
omg- i am so...SHALLOW. I saw Holly Ransom in the library (and what with my slightly increased confidence nowadays) i actually thought of going up to her and saying congratulations for getting to be a member the 2020 summit discussion thing or whatever it was (she was in the paper as the youngest person there...it was like a political panel where smart people discuss what they want for Australia in the future). I decided against it...but i was kind of like...REVERING HER FROM THE CORNER OF MY EYE. ahahhahaha!!!!!! But she is awesome, ain't she? Gosh, i'm one of her little kiddiwink admirers aren't I? oh dear. that's pretty sad. still.
QUOTE OF THE DAY: (thankyou thankyou ness, i love this song so much: Collide--howie day)
The dawn is breaking
a light shining through
you're barely waking
and i'm tangled up in you
well i'm open, you're closed
where i follow, you'll go
i worry i won't see you're face
light up again
even the best fall down sometimes
even the wrong words seem to rhyme
out of the doubt that fills my mind
i somehow find, you and I
collide
i'm quiet, you know
you make a first impression
i found i'm scared to know i'm
always on your mind
even the best fall down sometimes
even the stars refuse to shine
out of the back you fall in time
i somehow find
you and i
collide
oh! i want to go to Hogwarts!!!!
...so badly. *moan of longing*
omg- i am so...SHALLOW. I saw Holly Ransom in the library (and what with my slightly increased confidence nowadays) i actually thought of going up to her and saying congratulations for getting to be a member the 2020 summit discussion thing or whatever it was (she was in the paper as the youngest person there...it was like a political panel where smart people discuss what they want for Australia in the future). I decided against it...but i was kind of like...REVERING HER FROM THE CORNER OF MY EYE. ahahhahaha!!!!!! But she is awesome, ain't she? Gosh, i'm one of her little kiddiwink admirers aren't I? oh dear. that's pretty sad. still.
QUOTE OF THE DAY: (thankyou thankyou ness, i love this song so much: Collide--howie day)
The dawn is breaking
a light shining through
you're barely waking
and i'm tangled up in you
well i'm open, you're closed
where i follow, you'll go
i worry i won't see you're face
light up again
even the best fall down sometimes
even the wrong words seem to rhyme
out of the doubt that fills my mind
i somehow find, you and I
collide
i'm quiet, you know
you make a first impression
i found i'm scared to know i'm
always on your mind
even the best fall down sometimes
even the stars refuse to shine
out of the back you fall in time
i somehow find
you and i
collide
20080511
Idols, glue-selling, and 'no such thing'
It's so nice to have people you can look up to, isn't it? People you don't even know. From Counting Crows famous hit "Mr Jones"...
"believe in me
cause i don't believe in anything
and i want to be someone to believe
to believe in"
yes, it's nice to have our idols of society. We feel so proud of them, even when we've only seen their pictures in the news, or their names in a magazine. Is that wrong? Who do you look up to? I shouldn't place my trust too heavily in just a name, cause it is almost inevitable that i will be disappointed somehow. You're probably wondering who i'm refereing to. There are a couple of eminent people who i hold a high regard for. Am i small for admiring them? I admire most people, in one way or another, i suppose. We were all children, once. We all hurt sometimes. You've got to respect everyone for simply living.
well, i shall divulge the names after that tangent. Paul McDermott - he's a really good comedian. Sharp, quick-witted, who constantly shares a personal joke with he camera. But what i like about him- he doesn't go too far. There are so many comedians these days who will fling themselves into the cesspit of crude references to gain a few cheap laughs. It kind of makes you flinch. McDermott...he doesn't do that. When he used to be The Sideshow's host, i developed quite an esteem for him. Once, he did his own act. It was amazing. His voice...i was captivated.
When you walk past a stranger, and you meet their eyes, do you ever think wonderingly 'wow. you're amazing' for absolutley no reason at all? All these people. All these lives. All these lives. Forgive me...Perhaps i'm just realising there are other people than me in this world.
My english has become so bad recently. see? i can't even construct a more exciting sentence than that. Let me try again.
My ability to write intelligently has recently retrograded into what may be compared to the jargon of a neanderthal.
phew, that was hard work. These words need exercising. My vocabulary is becoming very unfit.
ok. stop right there kate. you're becoming too depressed. and then you can't study. and then you won't know anything for exams. and then you'll fail. and then you'll get even more depressed when you realise that you were right all along, you ARE an idiot, and you won't be able to pretend anymore. and then you'll fail the next exams, then the next, then the next, then the next, and will wind up going from door to door trying to sell glue, and then you'll get so depressed you'll end up sniffing your own product, which will result in the death of millions of brain cells, so you won't even be able to hold a spoon by the time you're thirty.
and that really succeeded in cheering me up, you great dolt.
QUOTE OF THE DAY: (No Such Thing-- John Mayer)
"Welcome to the real world", she said to me
Condescendingly
Take a seat
Take your life
Plot it out in black and white
Well I never lived the dreams of the prom kings
And the drama queens
I'd like to think the best of me
Is still hiding
Up my sleeve
They love to tell you
Stay inside the lines
But something's better
On the other side
I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the
Top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
just to lie you've got to rise above
"believe in me
cause i don't believe in anything
and i want to be someone to believe
to believe in"
yes, it's nice to have our idols of society. We feel so proud of them, even when we've only seen their pictures in the news, or their names in a magazine. Is that wrong? Who do you look up to? I shouldn't place my trust too heavily in just a name, cause it is almost inevitable that i will be disappointed somehow. You're probably wondering who i'm refereing to. There are a couple of eminent people who i hold a high regard for. Am i small for admiring them? I admire most people, in one way or another, i suppose. We were all children, once. We all hurt sometimes. You've got to respect everyone for simply living.
well, i shall divulge the names after that tangent. Paul McDermott - he's a really good comedian. Sharp, quick-witted, who constantly shares a personal joke with he camera. But what i like about him- he doesn't go too far. There are so many comedians these days who will fling themselves into the cesspit of crude references to gain a few cheap laughs. It kind of makes you flinch. McDermott...he doesn't do that. When he used to be The Sideshow's host, i developed quite an esteem for him. Once, he did his own act. It was amazing. His voice...i was captivated.
When you walk past a stranger, and you meet their eyes, do you ever think wonderingly 'wow. you're amazing' for absolutley no reason at all? All these people. All these lives. All these lives. Forgive me...Perhaps i'm just realising there are other people than me in this world.
My english has become so bad recently. see? i can't even construct a more exciting sentence than that. Let me try again.
My ability to write intelligently has recently retrograded into what may be compared to the jargon of a neanderthal.
phew, that was hard work. These words need exercising. My vocabulary is becoming very unfit.
ok. stop right there kate. you're becoming too depressed. and then you can't study. and then you won't know anything for exams. and then you'll fail. and then you'll get even more depressed when you realise that you were right all along, you ARE an idiot, and you won't be able to pretend anymore. and then you'll fail the next exams, then the next, then the next, then the next, and will wind up going from door to door trying to sell glue, and then you'll get so depressed you'll end up sniffing your own product, which will result in the death of millions of brain cells, so you won't even be able to hold a spoon by the time you're thirty.
and that really succeeded in cheering me up, you great dolt.
QUOTE OF THE DAY: (No Such Thing-- John Mayer)
"Welcome to the real world", she said to me
Condescendingly
Take a seat
Take your life
Plot it out in black and white
Well I never lived the dreams of the prom kings
And the drama queens
I'd like to think the best of me
Is still hiding
Up my sleeve
They love to tell you
Stay inside the lines
But something's better
On the other side
I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the
Top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
just to lie you've got to rise above
20080510
This really is starting to worry me.
My supposed study timeslots are becoming dominated by periods where my brain just settles back and goes to sleep, while my eyes stare forward at nothing. It's only after like ten minutes that i realise that i am actually doing this. cor blimey.
I have decided, (spur of the moment) that, to improve my english, i shall try to make these posts a little more educated. Not so filled with 'and yeah's' or 'it was like, rad, man'. Forgive me if my writings border on pompous, or grandiloquent. I am merely attempting (attempting being the operative word) to brace myself for times ahead.
And, in doing so, will probably eke out all the fun for both reader and writer.
For it is only those skilled at entertaining AND have full reign and understanding over the english language that can accomlish such a feat. eg. Jane Austen. Her writing is superb (prior kate would have said 'she's blinkin awesome'.)
Nah, i will intersperse this with a little of the vernacular. I'll just throw in an interesting word or two every now and again, so i can fool myself that i'm not being just plain lazy.
I had my in class essay yesterday for lit. :( i am so sure i did not answer the quesiton. or even my own thesis. Why kate? why?
i haven't written any study notes for history or english all year. i'm so screwed. DAMN YOU PAST SELF. And future self shall say damn you past self to present self...as i am currently wasting time by writing in you, dear bloggie. How very self-referential this blog is. i'll try to stop doing that.
Doesn't it seem so ridiculous how i'm worried about how to express my views on the number of phaeton's Lady Catherine possesses from an imaginary world when people in Burma are sleeping on the ground, homeless, without food, maybe even without hope with the wake of the cyclone? I know it's supposed to make me feel lucky, realising people are worse off than me, but it just makes me feel guilty, and angry. Angry with what, i don't really know. Mankind. Fate. The whole damn world. whatever.
i am grateful. I am. Not enough, though. Not nearly enough. I know it; i can feel it. I wish i could just experience the hardship for myself, walk in the people's shoes, if only for a day. I'm so fucking ignorant. I don't want to be small-minded, but even i can recognise that it is my permanent state of being. Seeing those hollowed eyes staring out from the tv screen, its moving. But it's also so removed. We forget everything when the tv show starts again.
Ain't it weird how the newsreader always makes sure to smile at the end of the program, no matter what he has presented, whether it be the murder of a toddler, or the forboding of doom for home-buyers? Maybe i'm just being a pessimist. But still. Our emotions can be so inconsistent. It annoys me, my own one's especially. haha, appropos, The Offsprings "dammit i change again" has just come on.
All the worries, all these troubles. This world is so beautiful. I sometimes forget...then i look at the tumbling clouds in the sky, i look at fragile skeleton of the leaf, i watch the slow dusk settling into the air, and i breathe relief. I remember.
Dear reader, may we never forget that the world is so much bigger than we will ever realise. God help me. No, don't help me. Give your help to those who really need it, who really need it. I'll get by somehow.
QUOTE OF THE DAY: this is one of my fave songs. I listened to it over and over the first time i heard it....Missy Higgins, Forgive me
Oh
My son
Look at what i've done
but i'm learning still
Learning still
know that i am learning
still
and oh
my wife
you are my life
but i am burning stilll
burning still
know that i am burning for you still
and all, all
all of my light is for you
and home,
home's anywhere you are too
so take this one fallen man on his knees
saying please
forgive me
forgive me
Oh
My god
how you make it hard
Not to pick the apple
Pick the apple
And the run along
to give it back
but i
was on shaky land
lost and unsure i
opened my hand
and she held it
like sinking sand
but all, all
all of my light is for you and home
home's anywhere you are too
so take this one fallen man on his knees
saying please
forgive me
forgive me
My supposed study timeslots are becoming dominated by periods where my brain just settles back and goes to sleep, while my eyes stare forward at nothing. It's only after like ten minutes that i realise that i am actually doing this. cor blimey.
I have decided, (spur of the moment) that, to improve my english, i shall try to make these posts a little more educated. Not so filled with 'and yeah's' or 'it was like, rad, man'. Forgive me if my writings border on pompous, or grandiloquent. I am merely attempting (attempting being the operative word) to brace myself for times ahead.
And, in doing so, will probably eke out all the fun for both reader and writer.
For it is only those skilled at entertaining AND have full reign and understanding over the english language that can accomlish such a feat. eg. Jane Austen. Her writing is superb (prior kate would have said 'she's blinkin awesome'.)
Nah, i will intersperse this with a little of the vernacular. I'll just throw in an interesting word or two every now and again, so i can fool myself that i'm not being just plain lazy.
I had my in class essay yesterday for lit. :( i am so sure i did not answer the quesiton. or even my own thesis. Why kate? why?
i haven't written any study notes for history or english all year. i'm so screwed. DAMN YOU PAST SELF. And future self shall say damn you past self to present self...as i am currently wasting time by writing in you, dear bloggie. How very self-referential this blog is. i'll try to stop doing that.
Doesn't it seem so ridiculous how i'm worried about how to express my views on the number of phaeton's Lady Catherine possesses from an imaginary world when people in Burma are sleeping on the ground, homeless, without food, maybe even without hope with the wake of the cyclone? I know it's supposed to make me feel lucky, realising people are worse off than me, but it just makes me feel guilty, and angry. Angry with what, i don't really know. Mankind. Fate. The whole damn world. whatever.
i am grateful. I am. Not enough, though. Not nearly enough. I know it; i can feel it. I wish i could just experience the hardship for myself, walk in the people's shoes, if only for a day. I'm so fucking ignorant. I don't want to be small-minded, but even i can recognise that it is my permanent state of being. Seeing those hollowed eyes staring out from the tv screen, its moving. But it's also so removed. We forget everything when the tv show starts again.
Ain't it weird how the newsreader always makes sure to smile at the end of the program, no matter what he has presented, whether it be the murder of a toddler, or the forboding of doom for home-buyers? Maybe i'm just being a pessimist. But still. Our emotions can be so inconsistent. It annoys me, my own one's especially. haha, appropos, The Offsprings "dammit i change again" has just come on.
All the worries, all these troubles. This world is so beautiful. I sometimes forget...then i look at the tumbling clouds in the sky, i look at fragile skeleton of the leaf, i watch the slow dusk settling into the air, and i breathe relief. I remember.
Dear reader, may we never forget that the world is so much bigger than we will ever realise. God help me. No, don't help me. Give your help to those who really need it, who really need it. I'll get by somehow.
QUOTE OF THE DAY: this is one of my fave songs. I listened to it over and over the first time i heard it....Missy Higgins, Forgive me
Oh
My son
Look at what i've done
but i'm learning still
Learning still
know that i am learning
still
and oh
my wife
you are my life
but i am burning stilll
burning still
know that i am burning for you still
and all, all
all of my light is for you
and home,
home's anywhere you are too
so take this one fallen man on his knees
saying please
forgive me
forgive me
Oh
My god
how you make it hard
Not to pick the apple
Pick the apple
And the run along
to give it back
but i
was on shaky land
lost and unsure i
opened my hand
and she held it
like sinking sand
but all, all
all of my light is for you and home
home's anywhere you are too
so take this one fallen man on his knees
saying please
forgive me
forgive me
20080504
Muppets and Cowboys
ahhhhhhh. that's be'er.
thank you, thank you THANK YOU sweet sister for downloading muppet treasure island theme songs. They make me :)
i love this one called 'proffessional pirate' - Long John Silver (Tim Curry) is trying to persuade Jim to join his pirating band.
"Long John: When I was just a lad looking for my true vocation
My father said "Now son, this choice deserves deliberation
Though you could be a doctor or perhaps a financier
My boy why not consider a more challenging career"
Pirates: Hey ho ho
You'll cruise to foreign shores
And you'll keep your mind and body sound
By working out of doors
Long John: True friendship and adventure are what we can't live without
All: And when you're a professional pirate
Bad Polly: That's what the job's about
Long John: "Upstage, lads, this is my ONLY number!"
Now take Sir Francis Drake, the Spanish all despise him
But to the British he's a hero and they idolize him
It's how you look at buccaneers that makes them bad or good
And I see us as members of a noble brotherhood
Pirates: Hey ho ho
We're honorable men
And before we lose our tempers we will always count to ten
Long John: On occasion there may be someone you have to execute
All: But when your a professional pirate
Morgan: You don't have to wear a suit..... what?
Mad Monty: I could have been a surgeon I like taking things apart
Bad Polly: I could have been a lawyer
But I just had too much heart
Morgan: I could have been in politics
Cause I've always been a big spender
Pirate: And me...I could have been a contender
Long John: Some say that pirates steal and should be feared and hated
I say we're victims of bad press it's all exaggerated
We'd never stab you in the back, we'd never lie or cheat
We're just about the nicest guys you'd ever want to meet
(Tell the truth, lad. Do you really think that Captainand the Squire are planning to share the treasure with thelikes of us? And we being the rightful owners, who shed ourblood getting it here. Join us, lad! Donate your compass tothe treasure hunt, and get a full share!)
All: Hey ho ho It's one for all for one
And we'll share and share alike with you and love you like a son
We're gentlemen of fotune and that's what we're proud to be
And when your a professional pirate
Long John: You'll be honest brave and free!
The soul of decency!
You'll be loyal and fair and on the square
And most importantly
All: When you're a professional pirate
You're always in the best of company!!!!!!!
You didn't read that did you? sigh. i suppose one wouldn't really appreciate so much if they hadn't the memories to go with it. And it is rather long.
I have this english oral on a poem in a couple of days. I don't know whether i have the guts to say it though...aha..it's a bit passionate in some places. I keep regretting choosing it, and then i really like it...i don't know, i don't know. It's called "letter home from the trenches." a war poem. Gosh...i mean, it's not like i can relate to it. How selfish of me to pretend. How ignorant.
hate orals. Hate essays even more. And boy, do they keep flooding in.
QUOTE OF THE DAY: (Counting Crows - Cowboys...intense man)
thank you, thank you THANK YOU sweet sister for downloading muppet treasure island theme songs. They make me :)
i love this one called 'proffessional pirate' - Long John Silver (Tim Curry) is trying to persuade Jim to join his pirating band.
"Long John: When I was just a lad looking for my true vocation
My father said "Now son, this choice deserves deliberation
Though you could be a doctor or perhaps a financier
My boy why not consider a more challenging career"
Pirates: Hey ho ho
You'll cruise to foreign shores
And you'll keep your mind and body sound
By working out of doors
Long John: True friendship and adventure are what we can't live without
All: And when you're a professional pirate
Bad Polly: That's what the job's about
Long John: "Upstage, lads, this is my ONLY number!"
Now take Sir Francis Drake, the Spanish all despise him
But to the British he's a hero and they idolize him
It's how you look at buccaneers that makes them bad or good
And I see us as members of a noble brotherhood
Pirates: Hey ho ho
We're honorable men
And before we lose our tempers we will always count to ten
Long John: On occasion there may be someone you have to execute
All: But when your a professional pirate
Morgan: You don't have to wear a suit..... what?
Mad Monty: I could have been a surgeon I like taking things apart
Bad Polly: I could have been a lawyer
But I just had too much heart
Morgan: I could have been in politics
Cause I've always been a big spender
Pirate: And me...I could have been a contender
Long John: Some say that pirates steal and should be feared and hated
I say we're victims of bad press it's all exaggerated
We'd never stab you in the back, we'd never lie or cheat
We're just about the nicest guys you'd ever want to meet
(Tell the truth, lad. Do you really think that Captainand the Squire are planning to share the treasure with thelikes of us? And we being the rightful owners, who shed ourblood getting it here. Join us, lad! Donate your compass tothe treasure hunt, and get a full share!)
All: Hey ho ho It's one for all for one
And we'll share and share alike with you and love you like a son
We're gentlemen of fotune and that's what we're proud to be
And when your a professional pirate
Long John: You'll be honest brave and free!
The soul of decency!
You'll be loyal and fair and on the square
And most importantly
All: When you're a professional pirate
You're always in the best of company!!!!!!!
You didn't read that did you? sigh. i suppose one wouldn't really appreciate so much if they hadn't the memories to go with it. And it is rather long.
I have this english oral on a poem in a couple of days. I don't know whether i have the guts to say it though...aha..it's a bit passionate in some places. I keep regretting choosing it, and then i really like it...i don't know, i don't know. It's called "letter home from the trenches." a war poem. Gosh...i mean, it's not like i can relate to it. How selfish of me to pretend. How ignorant.
hate orals. Hate essays even more. And boy, do they keep flooding in.
QUOTE OF THE DAY: (Counting Crows - Cowboys...intense man)
This is a list of what I should have been
But I'm not
This is a list of the things that I should have seen
But I'm not seeing you look at me
So please, won't you look at me?'
Cause I'm not seeing you look at me
Oh, oh, I, I will make you look at me
Or I am not anything
Oh, anything
No no no no
No no no no
No, no.
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