This really is starting to worry me.
My supposed study timeslots are becoming dominated by periods where my brain just settles back and goes to sleep, while my eyes stare forward at nothing. It's only after like ten minutes that i realise that i am actually doing this. cor blimey.

I have decided, (spur of the moment) that, to improve my english, i shall try to make these posts a little more educated. Not so filled with 'and yeah's' or 'it was like, rad, man'. Forgive me if my writings border on pompous, or grandiloquent. I am merely attempting (attempting being the operative word) to brace myself for times ahead.

And, in doing so, will probably eke out all the fun for both reader and writer.
For it is only those skilled at entertaining AND have full reign and understanding over the english language that can accomlish such a feat. eg. Jane Austen. Her writing is superb (prior kate would have said 'she's blinkin awesome'.)

Nah, i will intersperse this with a little of the vernacular. I'll just throw in an interesting word or two every now and again, so i can fool myself that i'm not being just plain lazy.

I had my in class essay yesterday for lit. :( i am so sure i did not answer the quesiton. or even my own thesis. Why kate? why?

i haven't written any study notes for history or english all year. i'm so screwed. DAMN YOU PAST SELF. And future self shall say damn you past self to present self...as i am currently wasting time by writing in you, dear bloggie. How very self-referential this blog is. i'll try to stop doing that.

Doesn't it seem so ridiculous how i'm worried about how to express my views on the number of phaeton's Lady Catherine possesses from an imaginary world when people in Burma are sleeping on the ground, homeless, without food, maybe even without hope with the wake of the cyclone? I know it's supposed to make me feel lucky, realising people are worse off than me, but it just makes me feel guilty, and angry. Angry with what, i don't really know. Mankind. Fate. The whole damn world. whatever.

i am grateful. I am. Not enough, though. Not nearly enough. I know it; i can feel it. I wish i could just experience the hardship for myself, walk in the people's shoes, if only for a day. I'm so fucking ignorant. I don't want to be small-minded, but even i can recognise that it is my permanent state of being. Seeing those hollowed eyes staring out from the tv screen, its moving. But it's also so removed. We forget everything when the tv show starts again.
Ain't it weird how the newsreader always makes sure to smile at the end of the program, no matter what he has presented, whether it be the murder of a toddler, or the forboding of doom for home-buyers? Maybe i'm just being a pessimist. But still. Our emotions can be so inconsistent. It annoys me, my own one's especially. haha, appropos, The Offsprings "dammit i change again" has just come on.

All the worries, all these troubles. This world is so beautiful. I sometimes forget...then i look at the tumbling clouds in the sky, i look at fragile skeleton of the leaf, i watch the slow dusk settling into the air, and i breathe relief. I remember.

Dear reader, may we never forget that the world is so much bigger than we will ever realise. God help me. No, don't help me. Give your help to those who really need it, who really need it. I'll get by somehow.

QUOTE OF THE DAY: this is one of my fave songs. I listened to it over and over the first time i heard it....Missy Higgins, Forgive me

Oh
My son
Look at what i've done
but i'm learning still
Learning still
know that i am learning
still

and oh
my wife
you are my life
but i am burning stilll
burning still
know that i am burning for you still

and all, all
all of my light is for you
and home,
home's anywhere you are too
so take this one fallen man on his knees
saying please
forgive me
forgive me

Oh
My god
how you make it hard
Not to pick the apple
Pick the apple
And the run along
to give it back
but i
was on shaky land
lost and unsure i
opened my hand
and she held it
like sinking sand

but all, all
all of my light is for you and home
home's anywhere you are too
so take this one fallen man on his knees
saying please
forgive me

forgive me