the only thing to fear is fear itself

could it have been any worse? "The only thing to fear is fear itself" Roosevelt said- it's relevance to my personal situation was ironic. I knew the context- for god's sake, i'd studied it til i'd learned it to death. But i couldn't get it out. I was paralysed. I hope you will forgive me if i be so bold as to say: fuck.

off self pity now. That can get me nowhere-worse than nowhere, in fact.

well, three down, three to go. Has it only been three? blimey, this week has stretched on forever. I feel as if i have at least 5 under my belt.

freedom. ah- sounds so sweet. I am actually longing to go back to school. Back to normality. Back to the routine, the backbreaking homework, the early mornings. I actually found myself longing yesterday for a time when confidence wasn't a necessity. where i could call myself stupid and not have to worry about how a drop in confidence could lower output in exams. "to believe is thusto be" remember? Ridiculous, innit?

In a few short hours, my strong belief that i could not survive without writing has dramatically reduced, haha. Faced with my own complete lack of coherence, the total absence of rational, SENSE, i now can see myself existing without having to look my ignorance in the eye through the written word. Why can't i speak like this is exams, bloggie? You are no work of art, but at least i am sensible of what i am writing, most of the time. You are more ordered than my essays, despite deficient in structure, and often purposefully erratic. sigh.

so much for not injecting any more self-pity into the system. you hypocrite. come on, kate. back to work. back to work. it's not over yet.

QUOTE OF THE DAY: ( W. Edwards Deming)

If you can't describe what you are doing as a process, you don't know what you're doing.

It is not enough to do your best; you must know what to do, and THEN do your best.