"it's all a lot of oysters, but no pearls"

In the words of Adam Durtiz:

A Long December by Counting Crows

"A long December and there is reasons to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leaving
Now the days go by so fast

And it's one more day up in the canyon
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think that I could be forgiven
I wish you would

The smell of hospitals in winter
And the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters but no pearls
All at once you look across a crowded room
To see the way that light attaches to a girl

And it's one more day up in canyon
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think to come to California
i wish you would

I drove up to Hillside Manor sometime after two am
Talked a little while about the year
I guess the winter makes you laugh a littler slower
Makes you talk a little lower
About the things you could not show her

And it's been a long December
And there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember the last time I tried to tell myself to hold on
To these moments as they pass

And it's one more day up in the canyon
And it's one more night in Hollywood
It's been so long since I've seen the ocean
I guess I should."

I don't know why i have been so critical to making new years resolutions. I suppose i'm too stubborn- it's not that I think myself too perfect for change- hell, i know i could make a million goals to change for the better, and i'd still be the fumbling, bumbling person i am. I don't really trust myself to the goals either- experience has taught me that my resolve buckles extremely easily. But that's not really any excuse not to try, and i've decided on this eve, that I will attempt, at least, to be a better person this year. And i've got to stop thinking that it's a hopeless pursuit, because in thinking so, i know i will make it so. So stop it Kate. Please. I just want to try, ok?

Whenever my sister sees my typing away on you, my dear bloggie, she always scoffs and says
"kate. No one actually CARES." (which i think is a fairly hypocritical comment, seeing as she possesses an even more pointless myspace, which i see only as an outlet to pose yourself in the most sexy manner possible and try to see if others comment on how alluring you are.)
The thing is, i know there are only hmm, i dunno, a few of you out there, who read this because it is an acceptable time-filler. But, see, i don't actually KNOW that. I can't tell for certain. So i prefer to live in hope, thankyou very much. Hope and ignorance. But even if these words go no where- just text floating in the internets seemingly eternal expanse of information...well. It feels right, writing. It feels adventurous (see how much my life has sunk into the doldrums? wait. self pity kate. stop it.)

• stop up the self piteous emotions. It doesn't achieve anything, and makes me repulsive to be around
• try to be more positive. You know, glass half full and all that crap. Which reminds me...
• swear less. my mother has a rather bad habit of swearing, and i seem to have picked it up somewhere along the way. Verbally, (in public anyway) i don't swear too much. But in my head...well, that's a different matter. Like Jani said, i am a silent swearer.
• think about others. Stop focussing on myself all the time.
• re-aline morals
• write more. Preferably a story. I've been putting it off forever- whenever i make an attempt, i write one sentence, look at it for several minutes then growl, scrunch the page up into a ball and hurl it in the bin, then stalk off.
• do more art. Experiment.
• Try to be more sociable. This is a big one for me, because sometimes even the idea of company scares me. I have had so many past occasions (not with you guys...before that...in Brisbane and stuff) where i have just wanted to stick my head in the ground and never reappear because i've been such fool ("samwise, you fool") that the situation has been too awkward to bear.
• don't judge others so harshly. View everyone with an open mind. Cause, well, i can't speak.
• be nicer to my family. help with chores n stuff. get off my ars every once in a while.
• study hard. predictable, i know.

there is another one...the one i want to achieve most of all...and have wanted to achieve in a long time...but, i won't say it.

I bought a diary today, and i hope that's going to help.

well, happy new year, everybody! 2008 eh? Goes by like lightening, don't it? Blink, and we'll be 70, sitting round knitting doilies and sipping cups of elderberry tea (pinkies out, remember). It reminds me of a song by five for fighting. God, they're amazing.

"15 there's still time for you

Time to buy and time to choose

Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this

When you only got 100 years to live."