Nexus

Today we reminisced on the famed water bomb fight. Our voices caught with excitement, gazing avidly inwards at a past brought into vibrant proximity, occasionally exchaning eager glances- channels of memory into each other. As though it were yesterday we, the noble losers, voiced the injustice of the whole affair, grinning all the while. And on the other side were the (sadly diminished) laughs and gentle teasings. good times, good times. I haven't seen our group so collectively happy for a while....bittersweet that it was brought about through what was, and not what is...then maybe that's just me.

I really like my maths class. I like the ease in the atmosphere, the sense of camaraderie. I like the way Miss Kath tethers us from overblown freedom, but still allows us to show our personalities. I'm not the tense and voiceless machine that i am in some other classes. I'm not so afraid of being wrong- if my hand goes up tentatively, it still goes up with a side-grin.

I truly believe that the only thing separating the A's from the D's is that the former love the subject. Which means the kick-off- whether it stretch so generally as from primary school, or from the start of the year- is essential. If you do well initially, then you are naturally inclined to like the subject. Further talent blooms from there. If you don't- well, for a brief period you either think your teacher a prejudiced bastard, or think yourself a poor student in that area. Without esteem, this beginning could be dangerous to all that is to come. It means that you are deprived of the sense to strive- the very nature of the subject- 'maths', 'lit' or whatever- is annexed to a subconscious reminder of failure. You don't want to think about it- you want to ignore it. This blatantly lacks foresightedness...after all, if you neglect it, you are inevitably going to sink further. But then...whoever said the subconscious takes note of the expediencies of foresight?
But then, this theory (if it can be called even that) is not so very strict. Will may be recovered. Confidence mounted. Interest awakened.
"You've got to want to learn. it's got to be intentional" the guest speaker said the other day. He's right, you know. And after that, i've become attuned to just how much i do want to learn. Except, haha, i want to overskip the process, to the stage where i can neatly look over the files in my mind. I want to be smart, but i don't want to study. I want the consequence, but am opposed to the action. hmm. i am reminded of Macbeth.

I talk too much of study, and do too little of it. Now my sense (damn it) has made me acknowledge this, i had better get to it.

Were Fridays what they used to be! movie nights...where i used to plonk myself down on the couch for hours on end, and let everything i had learned gradually unlink itself and drift away in the hypnotic tides of theme music and faces...

WORDS OF THE DAY:

Hedonism-- belief that happiness is the most important thing in life

Recidivist--person who relapses into crime

Nexus-- bond, link, connection