What is wrong with me?

i have never been more petrified in my whole fuckin life. Jesus. Talk about ironic- last post how I was going on about seizing the moment. I would much rather have never entered that idiotic poem and never had to face the consequences. God...mate, I don't believe in you, but please help me anyway.

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

(superman- five for fighting)

"I can't to stand to fly

I'm not that naive."

(Iris, Goo Goo Dolls)

"And I don't want the world to see me

Cause I don't think that they'll understand."

"You gotta do some clockwork"

I have found a new band which I hold a surprising penchant towards. Just so ya know- I realise, dearest reader, that you couldn’t really care less which bands I like…I am not so disillusioned as to think so (even though I portray that air some of the time- forgive me, please, my passion tends to explode on itself). So if you sense pending tedium in this paragraph, please skip it.
The band is called Augie March- their newest album is titled “Moo, You Bloody Choir.” Heh. It’s just about as far as Green Day as you can get. Like if Green Day was El Salvador, Augie March would be Chittagong. (don’t ask me where exactly that is…I looked at a world map and wrote it down in the hope to appear geographically sagacious. Sorry all Chittagongians.) The harmonies are fantastic- they just send me to fantastical places in my imagination that I never even knew existed.

Heather La Mont tomorrow. Woot. *Kate waggles a finger around feebly in the air* I probably will be enthusiastic tomorrow, but right now I am plagued by such an epidemic of apathy that if I was 18 and had to vote in the election between Johnny beetle-brows and that skanky Rudd, I’d be like…meh. Couldn’t care less.

Jesus. It’s almost eight n I haven’t done a single piece of homework. Aw, quite complaining Kate. I don’t think I’ll ever realise just how closed-minded I am. I mean, there’s so much to this world, and I just traipse along, blind and ignorant to it all. I don’t want to live like this forever. I want to be somebody. Everybody wants to be somebody. But the thing is- if ever the change came along, I’m not sure if I could push myself out of my safe niche and face the new and unexpected. I’m too lazy, I’m too dull, and I’m too scared. I’m not a person who wants eyes watching them. When I think of all those lives that have meandered away- on the shying away from opportunity, the bottom of the beer glass, the waiting for something that never comes…I just get this eruption of sorrow. I know it’s selfish, but I’d like to be remembered- but, when I die, I’m just another of the millions of candle-lights failing. No one will notice that the light doesn’t shine quite so bright in that moment. I don’t want others to be forgotten, either. But they will, eventually. That’s just the way it is. It’s sad, though.

If only emotion was an energy source. We could power the world.

QUOTE OF THE DAY: (Augie March- Mt Wellington Reverie)
So many souls, so many souls, so many souls in the water...
I left me a little daughter, and I left me a girl, and I left them alone, in that tired old world, O where are they now?

Dying Geese

Last night’s dream just hit me…I was trying to remember it all day, and the thought just hit me as I was staring into space, enjoying the brief hiatus born of procrastination. Anyhoo, I only remember clearly one scene- I was standing on a beach bearded by greenery and I was looking out on the blue water. Around a dozen islands on the horizon were burning, as though live volcanoes where erupting violently right across my line of vision. Smoke plumed from the havoc. And all around me, geese scorched with flames, were dying. Their smouldering carcasses littered the ground around me. Soon the air was thick with the doomed birds. I tried to run, but tripped and found myself staring at the mangled and hideous remains of their piled bodies.

And…yep. That’s it. Erratic dreams are born of erratic mind.

Embarrassment to Nature

eh. sheesh. so darn pathetic right now. I should be doing english n sose homework...but it's really bugging me...partly because my reading of Macbeth tainted by the distraction of my eye twitching every damn five seconds.
Oh, and I just read in my diary today that I HAVE A SOSE TEST ON THURSDAY! Gulp. I thought it was next week...and so I've done absolutely zilch. Only a couple of crappy notes which amount up to zilch anyway. And it's an IN CLASS REPORT. What the hell is with that.
Note; I have refrained from using the f word. I know, thankyou, thankyou. I deserve a trophy. Nah, it's just that...i'm trying to reshape my morals. They seem to have gone askew recently...and thus I am making a feeble attempt at getting them into line. But, I'm trying. Which is something I spose.

Hah. I was just reading my wish diary that I had in '01. It's funny, looking back. My wishes have barely changed a bit. Except one: let me tell you what I wrote. I swear- this is for real.

"My second greatest wish is that toys could come to life. I really want to know how they act. Well, I'm not sure about this but I think they *might* think and hear."

Kate= biggest idiot in the history of mankind. Can u believe it??? And I was like...9! (in Many the Mammoth's voice-) "you're an embarrassment to nature!"

QUOTE OF THE DAY: (Colin Hayes- Overkill)
"I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
Perhaps it's just imagination."

Paroxysm of giggles

I had the strangest sensation last night. After my parents had adjourned to the other room to watch ‘the Bill’ (Kate wrinkles nose) I accidentally knocked over my mum’s wine glass. I mopped up the spillage with a tissue, then, out of curiosity, smelled the wine’s scent. It was so dang strong it made me feel a little woozy (don’t you love that word, woozy? Especially when one says it in an English accent!) Anyway I deposited it in the rubbish, when walking back to the couch I started laughing. FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER. A paroxysm of giggles just hit me from out of the blue - I had to lie down on the settee because I laughed so hard.
What do you think, Kate? A sign of madness?
Oh definitely old chap. No doubt about it. You now hold the title of a professional nutcase.

Did you know it hailed yesterday? I could hardly believe it. I mean…it’s spring for Pete’s sake. You know, whenever something like this happens- where nature takes an unexpected turn my mind jumps immediately to global warming. Am I being paranoid? Was I brainwashed by all the hype that is being bombarded from the media? Is it possible that all the devastating fires, cyclones, storms, droughts, floods are all a direct result of climate change? Or am I just blaming them on climate change because it provides a reason for the tragedy? Ho hum.

To keep you updated- Miss Fork rejected Mr Knife because he was having an affair with that naughty Miss Teaspoon.

QUOTE OF THE DAY: (Matchbox 20- let’s see how far we’ve come)
“Started crying and I couldn’t stop myself
I started running but there’s nowhere to run to
I sat down on the street and took a look at myself
Said where you going you know the world is heading for hell
Say your goodbyes if you got someone you can say goodbye to

Strange dreams

I have been experiencing strange dreams of late. Well, I suppose all dreams are strange- but these are stranger than usual. And rather gory too. Which doesn't really make sense, because I have cut down my TV week-watching to only Wednesdays (House) and Fridays (whatever I feel like watching)- removing the crime dramas. So I don't know where it's all coming from.

OK. Dream no 1 I had a couple of weeks ago. I admit, I don't really remember the actual events- I recall it more as a montage in my mind of blood, gore and violence. And that choking feeling of being chased by something you know you can't escape.

Dream number 2

A lady stands in the centre of a large, bare, metallic room. The door behind her suddenly bursts open and a boy of around 12 shoots her before she can turn around to see her murdurer. His weapon is not your conventional shotgun, however. Instead of just cleaving a small hole in her body, the impact of the bullet completely splits her in half. Despite this, she does not bleed.
The boy runs across the echoing floor and out the door on the other side of the room, slamming it behind him. He does not see this, but as he is doing so, the lady's body becomes like liquid silver, melding itself together where she lies, until she is whole again, and emanating a terrible coldness. She strides over to the door where the boy absconded to, and peers through the keyhole. An eye stares back at her- and without the slightest hesitation, she pulls out a gun and shoots the observer into oblivion.
I don't remember precisely what happened after that...but it was something about the x-woman attempting to kill a moth in a terrifying game of cat and mouse(I really didn't want the moth to perish- more so than the boy)- but then the moth tells her that the boy she just killed was 'the promised one.'

Dream no. 3
I had this one two nights ago. I think. There is a lot I don't remember about this one too. I only know that the fear that it made me feel during it was something beyond the fear evoked by horror movies. However, this is the sole section that I can recount in perfect detail.
The guy from 'the texas chainsaw massacre' was keeping hostage a number of people in a bus. He wore his mask of human face-skin on his face, and was murdering the people one by one.
One woman, petrified, but emboldened by the fact she was going to die anyway said;
"what do you want from me?"
He answered in a voice that was deep and eldritch; a sound so terrible it seemed to come from the very lungs of Hades himself. He did not speak in english- but I knew what he said.
"You can never kill me."

QUOTE OF THE DAY (Mad World- Gary Jules)

"And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had
i find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
when people run in circles
it's a very very
mad world."

As We Go On

I’ve just spent the last fifteen minutes face-down on my bed- hardly aware of the hard bed frame squashing my face, or the unrelenting sun beating through the gap in the curtains, or the way my limbs felt as though they were ready to drop off. Just thinking. About all the things I could have done, all the things I should have done, all the things that could have been- if things had worked out differently.

If I had one chance to bend back time- if I could alter only one thing in my past- I’d make it that I had never left Perth. Never had to move to QLD. Never had to say goodbye.
But then I start wondering…such a twist in time might have disastrous consequences. If I had stayed, then perhaps that would have meant my mother was the driver who was in that devastating car crash. It could’ve meant that my dad couldn’t find enough work here and I would have had to leave MLC and go to a public school instead. It could’ve meant that to my friends I would be a distant and unknown figure. And they would be distant, unknown figures to me too.
Such thoughts can only go round in circles. It is pointless to devote my thoughts to such oblique and useless matters. But I still think them nonetheless.

It was the last day of school for the 07 students. As Holly, the head girl said in her speech, it was a day of “bittersweet goodbyes.” Hugs and tears and laughter, eyes that hardly dared to blink through the yearning to drink up every second…to eke out those last few precious moments.
Holly’s last address was very moving, I found. There was a great deal of white tissues and escaping sobs from the year 12 section. I know I will cry…when our time comes. Blubbering along, red rimmed. Friends, I apologise in advance.

QUOTE OF THE DAY (Vitamin C – Graduation)
“As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as I lives change
Come whatever
We will still be
Friends forever”

a humbling thought which came three years behind everyone else thinking it.

In this very second, there is a very annoying and peevish cat sitting on my lap doing ‘paddy-paws’ *kate yelps* digging her claws in rhythmically, with her deep bass purr the underlying melody. Bothersome feline.

Don’t you find it amazing that you and I, dear reader, are in the same second? That everyone earth is in the same instant? That teachers, that terrorists, that clowns, that dying children, that priests, that a laughing man are all in the same moment? Don’t you find it humbling? That two people on opposite poles of this earth can gaze at the moon and wonder why?
“My, my, my it’s a beautiful world…I like swimming in the sea…I like to go out beyond the white breakers…where a man can still be free (or a woman if you are one)” Funny song. Lovely song. Simple and poignant.

I should probably recount the day…because it was a good day…a lot of laughter. But, I feel as though if I do, I will be taking away something from those moments that made them so unique- that extracting them from memory and converting to words will somehow not do them justice- I don’t have the skill to paint such moments.

Sheesh, Kate. Quit trying to be deep.

I shall leave you with one word.

HUMNUMYJAMBAM.

QUOTE OF THE DAY: (coldplay- spies)
"Did I drive you away?
I know what you’ll say,
You say, “Oh, sing one we know,”
But I promise you this,
I’ll always look out for you,
That’s what I’ll do."

Humbuggity n stuff

Hmm. Interesting day.

Hate yoga. Hate yoga. Hate yoga.
She says relax.
I tense up.
She says ‘breathe’
I think “f off already, stop telling me to relax!!”
She wants me to feel my muscles relax.
I want to run from the room.
The bird in the background chirps sweetly.
I want to strangle its scrawny little neck.
Ugh. Horrible. Never, ever, ever want to be put through that ever again.

Going to the art exhibition 2nite (ooh, Kate is gradually beginning to adopt the use of computer jargon into her sentences!). Heh. Should be OK. Hopefully. I’ll probably be this loner wandering around with her two eccentric parents. Ah well. Humbuggity.

I am so sad. The only thing I talk about is how much homework I have. How much work I have to do. Holy Jesus, Joseph and Mary in tinsel town! My conversations revolve around such boring topics. I honestly don’t know how anyone can sustain a conversation with me without either emitting a loud snore halfway through, OR injecting themselves with some stimulant.

Uh. Drugs. Hate em. How could anyone take them? Especially ICE. I’m even trusting MRS. HUGHES one this one.
But then. I can’t really talk, can I? I mean maybe there are those out there whose life is so bad that they just can’t see any other path. They just want to sink into oblivion because nothing, because forgetting, because that sweet sense of being away from it all is better than the something that they’ve got. “I want to get me a little…oblivion… baby…” (Counting Crows, perfect blue buildings). Sure, we can say “there’s always another way. It can’t be that bad.” It’s so easy to say that…and it makes sense, to us. But unless we can feel what they feel, how can we know?
I hope I’ll never take them. I hope I’ll never get so low that I’ll be compelled to. Because when you see the domino effect of that tiny pill…it's a pretty devastating result.
Honestly Kate. Quit it with the "deep" stuff. *thwack* (in Sam Gangees voice "you're 'opeless")

QUOTE OF THE DAY: (Keane, somewhere only we know)
I came across a fallen tree,
I felt the branches; are they looking at me?
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?

be mind full. Mastermindful.

Love Macbeth. It's so cool...you know...just the way it tastes when I read those beautiful words. Like;
"out, out, brief candle. Life is but a walking shadow, a poor player," and
"but here, upon this bank and shoal of time we'd jump the life to come" and
"come, thick night, and pall thee in the dunnest smoke of hell, that my keen knife see not the wound it makes, nor heaven peep through the blanket of the dark to cry 'Hold, hold!'"
Can you feel it? Can you feel the power in those words? I was looking at Shakespeares picture the other night (it's on the cover of my book, i wasn't perving at him on the internet. Although he is preetty hot for a guy that's been dead for around 500 years. Smokin.) and for a moment I imagined he was looking back, n I said. "Jesus, mate. How did you do it? How could you see the world in ways that no one of today can? You're a blinkin genius, mate, there's no denying. A ruddy mastermind."

Note: never, never, never, underestimate Kate's strange habits. If you do...well, you may get surprised one day when you find her conversing with her fork (asking if it has a crush on Mr. Knife). And we wouldn't want that would we, Smeagol, my dear. *strangled cough* No, my precious. No we wouldn't.

Mr. Giles is such a power hog. Threatening to keep us after school doing laps just cause we have a harmless conversation. What is his problem??? OK, so maybe the entire sports class ignoring him is his problem...but CAN HE BLAME THEM?? No. No, he can't. Because he is such a friggin loser. And a meanie. And an evil head-bopper.
HA!! I was watching him with beady eyes...AND IT WAS SO HILARIOUS. He strutted over with a ball in his hand and TRIED to be, like, ultra cool by throwing a ball in a basket from a couple of metres away...but HE MISSED COMPLETELY!! His carnival-sized ego was only slightly punctured, and so he picked up and threw it again....AND MISSED!!! Heh. Heh heh. AHeh heh heh. eh. eh? eh. HA!!! *Kate snorts most inappropriately*

shall leave you know. Oh, how very sad.

say hey to your carpet for me!

QUOTE OF THE DAY: (my true love)
"you forgot one very important thing, mate. I'm captain Jack Sparrow."

Where is the love?

Sheesh. I know remember why I never watched or read the news in times gone...BECAUSE IT IS SO DARN DEPRESSING. People are dying off everywhere....(In JT's voice) *where is the love*??? I've just read this article about a South African reggae artist who was murdured IN FRONT OF HIS KIDS. I am sooooooo angry.

I was thinking, the other day...you know that case in Aussie...where those two psycho girls killed their friend? The Collie girls? They said they did it just because they wanted to know what if feels like to kill someone...if that's the case WHY COULDN'T THEY HAVE FRICKIN KILLED THEMSELVES AND SPARED AN INNOCENT LIFE. I am usually not in favour of the death penalty...but for this case...I AM ALL FOR IT. It's horror movie type material, y'know?

Fuuureeakky.

doosh doosh doosh.

QUOTE OF THE DAY: (Bob Marley- don't worry, be happy...which doesn't really fit with the theme of this post...but anyhoo)
"Don't worry.
Be happy. (oooh oo oo oooooo etc.)
Look at me! I'm happy!"

(OMG. this would be the best song to play over the loudspeakers in year twelve on muck up day. *in Sid the Sloth's voice*...I'M A GENIUSH!!")

evil kid

OK, right now I am really peeved. And affronted. because of a 5-year-old.
I was just going for a walk, right, and was stepping along innocently when I passed this kid riding a bike and do you know what he did? He flashed me this 'what are you looking at, bitch?' frowny face!!! The little bastard. What is his problem?
Wait a minute!! I think I have the answer to his cantankerous, perverse and contrary nature!!! He was probably one of those people who LOOK like they're 7, but they're actually...like...20. And he was jealous of me...because...i was so much taller than him? (HAH Kate!!! You were like 7 cm taller than him you frickin midget!!!)

Hmm. That's better, now that I've vented my extreme annoyance at peurile adult-dwarves.

Off to do some chemistry (*gag*)

Cheerio my fellow homo sapiens!!

dum diddly doo

REPEATED INDELIBLE FACT NO.1: Kate is an idiot

Jesus. The things I do sometimes. I look back and I CAN HONESTLY NOT BELIEVE that I did them. *cringe*.

Heh heh. Listening to a CLIFF RICHARD song at the moment. Yes, that guy. The guy who sang 'summer holiday.' AND I'M WARBLING ALONG!!!

Eww...I just ran my hand through my hair in a very pantene-ad-like fashion...and a sprinkling of dandruff descended onto my dressing gown. EW. And I'm even using dandruff shampoo...damn thing ain't working. But it's a really cool colour...like BRIGHT BLUE...like paint even. Totally awesome. Not my dandruff btw...the shampoo. Heh heh.
OMG. I can't believe I'm talking about my dandruff. Movin on.

Weekend!!! WOOT!! And not too much homework...eh, that dreaded word.

Lately the thought has come over me thinking how weird our world is. It hits me sometimes in completely normal situations. LIke I'm walking to a class or something and I just think "Jesus. How did we get here? I mean, we started as tiny globs of matter...and now here we are with computers and, and planes and thousands of houses. Where we are idolising people who pretend for a living, where the only way we can survive is by striving to gain as many pieces of paper as we can, where we could destroy the world with a press of a button, if we chose. It's just so dang weird. And complicated.

Sigh. What to do, what to do. I know what I should do...that dreaded word afore mentioned...but I honestly CANNOT BE STUFFED right now.

So...off to

a) smell permanent markers
b) hide behind shrubbery, and when people walk past, jump out and pretend to be a sales agent. For the shrubbery.
c) Walk around and try to spot atoms with a magnifying glass

Ta, ta dearies!

QUOTE OF THE DAY: (good riddance/time of your life (aka. best song in the world) Green Day)
It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right
i hope you had the time of your life

poor tree(!)

The two trees in my back yard were removed today. My mum didn't tell me about it until I was heading home from school. I was so shocked...yeah I know, right, they're only trees...I swear I'm so soft. I actually thought - 'how sad...I didn't get to say goodbye.' When I walked in the front door and looked through the rectangle window opposite, I ACTUALLY EXPERIENCED A PANG OF LOSS. Jimeny Cricket. Maybe I'm emo. Yesterday, on MSN, I acted even more emo than normal, putting in SUCH A RANDOM AND SELF-HUMILIATORY COMMENT; in response to ness saying she was all alone (in a purely jocular sense), I wrote 'we were born alone and we will die alone.' What is WRONG WITH ME. Seriously...what the frickin hell is wrong with me?

I listened to a song lately, called 'bittersweet symphony' by the verve (If u haven't listened to it...u have to) and it says "cause i'm a million different people from one day to the next'- and i can relate to that. I wonder if it's because i have a malleable character, or if I try to fit in too much, or if I am just volatile...or maybe i just have multiple personality disorder. cause there is definitely an emo-kate...but there is the hedonistic kate...and there's the grinning kate...and there's the evil kate...and EVEN THE NICE KATE EMERGES FROM TIME TO TIME *gasp* note: crazy kate is present at all times.
But it's more than that, really- cause they're just aspects of my personality. I'm so different around different people that I get a little muddled when associating with different...groups.

I have to apologise because my posts of late have lost their quirky edge and have sunk into depressing topics. Readers, please ignore such sections. I'm fine, really- I'm not sad. I'm just wondering.

QUOTE OF THE DAY: ('hide and seek' - imogen heap...SUCH A GOOD SONG)
"spin me round again
and rub my eyes,this can't be happening
when busy streets a mess with people
would stop to hold their heads - heavy
hide and seek
trains and sewing machines
all those years
they were here first"

Another Meaningless Episode on the Story of Kate's Life

YAY!! I just realised…I have no homework tonight. SCORE! Although I should probably study a bit more for math…because unless you could not discern from my previous entry, math nowadays is a compilation of little squiggles on my sheet of paper that signify to my peanut-sized mind absolutely nothing.
Except, guess what (you pause in dramatic anticipation, that cookie halting its graceful arc in it’s trajectory towards your open mouth)…I got a question right!!! Oh happy day, oh happy day. Throw your hands up into the air, my beloved brethren, for today the Lord has shown that miracles do exist!

OMG I had such weird dreams last night. First Ms Sulystio and Ms Ozich were quizzing me on someone…and I was really uncomfortable; then the dream scene whirled around, and I was under a duvet and laughing because Jemps was trying to find me…and then I was at a Counting Crows concert and I was SO HAPPY, and when it ended me n Ness walked off together, skipping. SKIPPING. There is something seriously wrong with my brain.

Sheesh, I AM SO MEAN. I was must thinking about what to write…and then I just asked myself out of the blue: “who do I want to die?” I slap you, Kate, I slap you in the face.

Heh. I was just thinking about Sam’s entry saying *stabs herself with sharp object*. For some reason, that line has just been popping up in my mind sporadically all day, and a smile always sneaks across my visage whenever it makes its presence known. Witty, I am inclined to say (Sam, please deflate your head. I can see it swelling with it’s newly provided egoism.) Heh.

QUOTE OF THE DAY (Sam, in RE…on the issue of God’s rod)
“I was thinking about another kind of rod…”

The brain cell massacre

The night rang with the sound of Kate’s brain frizzling; and consequently it grew steadily to resemble a morass of scrambled egg. And who or what is to blame for this terrible tragedy? Homework. Maths homework to be precise. His weapon? Indices. He hit and hammered and chiselled away incessantly until my poor brain cells cried out for mercy, shrivelling up and dying. He has stirred up brain-crime before…but tonight his felonies are worse than ever; tonight he has committed mass murder.

pumpft.

Hee hee!!
For ONCE my life has taken an interesting and unexpected turn! Well, slightly different from my usual droll existence.
Get this…while I was pasting my last entry, my mum found pictured dog tottering around bewilderedly outside our house! You can tell he was really old- he only has one tooth in the front- so, as you can see, his tongue hangs out to one side. SO SWEET!! Except his breath stank…so I recoiled and crooned at the same time. I also think he was blind in one eye, and he panted so hard I was worried he was about to have a heart attack. We took him in and put him in a little area away from Missy (my crazed puppy who acts as though she’s swallowed speed half the time), and he just padded round and panted and looked bemused. If you’re wondering why I’m referring to him in past tense- no he didn’t die- no we didn’t kill him with a screwdriver- we just couldn’t find the owners; thus, with no options left, we took him to the vet, who’re going to take care of him and try to find the owners.

3 hours later
They found his owners!!! WOOT!!! And they like, lived one street away. Sigh.

Bugger. Was going to paste adorable pics here of doggie- BUT ISN'T PASTING. bugger.

4 hours later
Sigh. Just talked to Amy’s boyfriend on MSN. Shannon- or ‘Shazza’ as his MSN name indicated. Talk about weird. I mean, the only time I’ve seem him was for like two seconds- I haven’t even talked face to face. Please do not mistake me- I DID NOT add him…Amy gave him my address…and suddenly there’s this random saying ‘hey’ to me…and I’m like ‘howdy’. Awkward. Especially for me, who hasn’t talked to a guy who isn’t my cousin in, oh, say, about 7 years or so? Thank God it wasn’t face to face…with my combination of chronic psychosis and grotesque features he’d be running the other way with only one short, horrified and petrified backward glance. Anyhoo…he seems nice enough. Awkward moments…no, make that stretches of eternity, where neither of us said anything for like 10 minutes…but he seems ok for sis. I was well aware of his ploy- that he was only talking to the crazy loon sister to glean facts about Amy. My pupils are still dilated with fear. Scary. Like wet-your-pants kind of scary. (you can tell I’m going to stay single all my life, can’t you?) Sigh.
Indelible Fact no. 1= I am an idiot.

QUOTE OF THE DAY (counting crows- “Mrs. Potter’s Lullaby”- aka, one of the best songs in the world.)
“And though I’ll never forget your face, sometimes I can’t remember my name"

OK- here’s the thing. I PLANNED to make a blog…like a week ago, and started writing some entries even though the website wasn’t up. So pretend this entry was posted a couple of days ago.

So, here I am, attempting to eke out the freedom that the last few days of the holidays holds. Three days. What the hell have I been DOING all this time?
Hmm. Well. Let’s see. A large majority has been spent doing the computer game ‘spider’. I hate it. But I’m addicted to it.
When I play computer games, I know I really am at a low point. They’re so pointless and brainless that I might as well be staring at a blank wall instead. BUT I CAN’T STOP!!!! I’m so helpless “how am I going to keep myself away from me?” [lyrics from ‘perfect blue buildings- counting crows].

I watched this movie last night called déjà vu, which got me thinking (which is no easy feat, believe me). I lay in bed until 11:00 thinking about the meaning of the universe and stuff (and such idle topics) then got out my diary and wrote this:

It’s a nice though, heaven. I thought in the toilet (charming I know) ‘if you guys are up there, watching (referring to deceased in heaven) …well, first you’re all sick bastards. I mean give a girl some privacy. Porno’s. Anyhoo, if you are up there...will you do me a favour? You know, buddy up with God; tell him how great I am…save me a seat on that purple fluffy cloud for when (hopefully a long time down the track) someone closes my cold, dead eyelids shut for the last time.
Cause if you don’t, I sure ain’t going to heaven; I going down there…to the fiery abyss of (badaboom) HELL. Smokin. Well, actually, I dunno. I haven’t murdered. Or committed adultery. Yet. There’s time enough for that later. I’ve unleashed some whopper lies in my time so far; sometimes I find myself lying even when I don’t need to…just to liven up the conversation…cause my life is so boring. I’m SO SAD.
*God puts another strike against Kate’s name, tut-tutting. And then, as he turns to the next ‘section of sins’ he gasps in horror; shielding his eyes from the sheer sinfulness which stares dolefully back at him.
The page’s heading is; blasphemy.*
God, I do it all the time.

Here’ a question, though- how about those who have never heard of God? Hmm? What, when they die, does the refulgent sentinel block them from entering the golden gates and sentence them to eternal perdition; just cause they’ve been brought up in a world without Christianity?

The sentinel peers over his horn-rimmed glasses behind the desk at the sheet of paper in front of him.
“let’s see...you’ve lived a life almost devoid of sin; there was that nasty incident with the goat’s head and the pliers but I suppose you didn’t mean to…you gave your children lollipops; you’re a GREAT friend; wonderful partner…” he looks and gives the lady an indulgent smile. “Looking good so far! You abhor racism…you make a KILLER chocolate brownie; oh! But what’s this? Ah. I see. You’re one of THOSE. A non-believer. Well. Sorry lady; looks like I’m going to have to send you to reapply downstairs.” He gets up and aims his glorious shoe at her buttocks, booting her off the winding staircase. She falls, screaming. Down, down, down. Into the pit of fiery flames.
“Next, please!” the sentinel calls. “Ah! It’s David is it? Now, let’s see. Oh my. Dear, dear, you did what with a geese? Numerous geese? Hmm. And I see a long list of thievery here, David. But, seeing as you have been a devout Christian, we’ll just forget about those incidents, shall we? Off you go then- heaven awaits!” The gates swing open and David enters; where his eyes fall on mongoose.

My point is (I know…it’s hard to tell) if God DOES exist, you shouldn’t have to believe in him to get a ticket into heaven. There factors which mould faith- like how you’re brought up and stuff; just cause you don’t believe doesn’t mean you should go to hell.

Just in case you can’t tell…(hee)…this is coming from an atheist. There are times when I’d like to believe cause it answers a lot of big questions; but the thing is- I know I can’t. I just can’t. Impossible. Frickin impossible. Like trying to convince me that 50 Cent doesn’t have anger management issues.

There are a couple of BIG questions that I’d like to know- but never will.
Was there a beginning, ever? If so, how did that beginning begin? And what was before the beginning?
See, there are two rules that contradict each other in this matter.
One: you can’t make something out of nothing
Two: everything has a beginning and an end.
So darn confusing- and the most annoying thing is…we’ll never know the answers.

I don’t think earth is the only planet in our universe which supports human life. We’re only ad dot in the entire scheme of things. A grain of sand on a never-ending shore- surely we can’t be the only ones to ask why?

Ooh. Deep Kate. Very deep.

QUOTE OF THE DAY: (from…Green Day’s “when I come around.”)
“I’m a loser, and a user,
So I don’t need no accuser
To try and slag me down
Because I know you’re right.”

Salutations my fellow species!!!

This being my first blog entry ever, I would just like to extend my hand to you, dear reader. Shake it. I said shake it, darn you! Heh, heh. Nutcase; and loving it dude.

Now, this entry’s main features include sex, gore, tellitubbies and calculators.
There. That should have got anyone interested. Interesting how I wrote sex first. Hmm…

I’m listening to Counting Crows ‘raining in Baltimore’ at the moment. I’ve just found them…and jeez do I love them. All seriousness at the moment. I’m almost loath to admit I love their music, because it means so much to me. The lyrics are…beautiful. Singers just don’t write like that anymore. Now, all music can offer is girls singing about hot boys and guys singing about hot girls (and the odd guy singing about another guy). It’s like verbal porn. Sickening. OK, I admit some songs are all right, and I find myself bopping away to one or two; but the rest make me gag.
And one person sums it up; one person who is the crème de la crème of all that is wrong with music (ok, maybe I’m getting a little too passionate). FERGIE. Ugh.

Only ONE DAY till school. Kate curls her lip. Bugger. And, once again, I’ve done absolutely zilch. An equation to satisfy the maths nerds (who, I assure, are totally awesome):

Kate + holidays = lazy, unmotivated, and brainless sloth

But then again, you could always take out the “+holidays” and the equation would still work just fine. Heh. As I said to a friend (ahoy Sam) recently, “apart from the odd conversation with my calculator, these holidays haven’t been too exciting.

Recommendation 1# - Watch Hot Fuzz. Its omnipotent hilarity could summon a snort or snigger from any. I watched it these holidays. Just thinking about it makes me grin.

You know, writing this isn’t as bad as I thought it would be.
In the past I’ve attempted to keep a handwritten journal…but it never works. I shy away from writing in it, because whenever I looked back on stuff I’d written, I just want to tear the page out, faced with perfect examples of how much of an emotionally unstable moron I am. And plus, I have to be so darn honest, because I can’t really lie to myself, now can I?

I keep a dream journal though. I don’t mind doing that, because it’s so real. I love dreams. Even if they’re nightmares, I love them. The emotions you experience in them are so pure; I swear, I feel more in my dreams than I do in real life.

I apologise. Emo-Kate is emerging. Well. I should go now. Nah, I won’t say that- what I really mean is I can’t be stuffed writing any more.

Off to squander some more time by
a) Making over my room by sticking band-aids to my walls.
b) Sneaking over the fence and staring through the neighbours window, while saying between silent maniacal cackles “Fribbitigibbet, fribbitigong”
c) Experimenting to see how many peanuts will fit up my nose

I’m personally leaning towards option c…

Ciao, dear reader!!

Quote of the day: (a soon-to-be regular instalment)
“Round here”- Counting Crows
“Step out the front door like a ghost into the fog
Where no one notices the contrast of white on white
And in between the moon and you, the angels get a better view
Of the crumbling difference between wrong and right
I walk in the air between the rain through myself and back again
Where? I dont know”