OK- here’s the thing. I PLANNED to make a blog…like a week ago, and started writing some entries even though the website wasn’t up. So pretend this entry was posted a couple of days ago.

So, here I am, attempting to eke out the freedom that the last few days of the holidays holds. Three days. What the hell have I been DOING all this time?
Hmm. Well. Let’s see. A large majority has been spent doing the computer game ‘spider’. I hate it. But I’m addicted to it.
When I play computer games, I know I really am at a low point. They’re so pointless and brainless that I might as well be staring at a blank wall instead. BUT I CAN’T STOP!!!! I’m so helpless “how am I going to keep myself away from me?” [lyrics from ‘perfect blue buildings- counting crows].

I watched this movie last night called déjà vu, which got me thinking (which is no easy feat, believe me). I lay in bed until 11:00 thinking about the meaning of the universe and stuff (and such idle topics) then got out my diary and wrote this:

It’s a nice though, heaven. I thought in the toilet (charming I know) ‘if you guys are up there, watching (referring to deceased in heaven) …well, first you’re all sick bastards. I mean give a girl some privacy. Porno’s. Anyhoo, if you are up there...will you do me a favour? You know, buddy up with God; tell him how great I am…save me a seat on that purple fluffy cloud for when (hopefully a long time down the track) someone closes my cold, dead eyelids shut for the last time.
Cause if you don’t, I sure ain’t going to heaven; I going down there…to the fiery abyss of (badaboom) HELL. Smokin. Well, actually, I dunno. I haven’t murdered. Or committed adultery. Yet. There’s time enough for that later. I’ve unleashed some whopper lies in my time so far; sometimes I find myself lying even when I don’t need to…just to liven up the conversation…cause my life is so boring. I’m SO SAD.
*God puts another strike against Kate’s name, tut-tutting. And then, as he turns to the next ‘section of sins’ he gasps in horror; shielding his eyes from the sheer sinfulness which stares dolefully back at him.
The page’s heading is; blasphemy.*
God, I do it all the time.

Here’ a question, though- how about those who have never heard of God? Hmm? What, when they die, does the refulgent sentinel block them from entering the golden gates and sentence them to eternal perdition; just cause they’ve been brought up in a world without Christianity?

The sentinel peers over his horn-rimmed glasses behind the desk at the sheet of paper in front of him.
“let’s see...you’ve lived a life almost devoid of sin; there was that nasty incident with the goat’s head and the pliers but I suppose you didn’t mean to…you gave your children lollipops; you’re a GREAT friend; wonderful partner…” he looks and gives the lady an indulgent smile. “Looking good so far! You abhor racism…you make a KILLER chocolate brownie; oh! But what’s this? Ah. I see. You’re one of THOSE. A non-believer. Well. Sorry lady; looks like I’m going to have to send you to reapply downstairs.” He gets up and aims his glorious shoe at her buttocks, booting her off the winding staircase. She falls, screaming. Down, down, down. Into the pit of fiery flames.
“Next, please!” the sentinel calls. “Ah! It’s David is it? Now, let’s see. Oh my. Dear, dear, you did what with a geese? Numerous geese? Hmm. And I see a long list of thievery here, David. But, seeing as you have been a devout Christian, we’ll just forget about those incidents, shall we? Off you go then- heaven awaits!” The gates swing open and David enters; where his eyes fall on mongoose.

My point is (I know…it’s hard to tell) if God DOES exist, you shouldn’t have to believe in him to get a ticket into heaven. There factors which mould faith- like how you’re brought up and stuff; just cause you don’t believe doesn’t mean you should go to hell.

Just in case you can’t tell…(hee)…this is coming from an atheist. There are times when I’d like to believe cause it answers a lot of big questions; but the thing is- I know I can’t. I just can’t. Impossible. Frickin impossible. Like trying to convince me that 50 Cent doesn’t have anger management issues.

There are a couple of BIG questions that I’d like to know- but never will.
Was there a beginning, ever? If so, how did that beginning begin? And what was before the beginning?
See, there are two rules that contradict each other in this matter.
One: you can’t make something out of nothing
Two: everything has a beginning and an end.
So darn confusing- and the most annoying thing is…we’ll never know the answers.

I don’t think earth is the only planet in our universe which supports human life. We’re only ad dot in the entire scheme of things. A grain of sand on a never-ending shore- surely we can’t be the only ones to ask why?

Ooh. Deep Kate. Very deep.

QUOTE OF THE DAY: (from…Green Day’s “when I come around.”)
“I’m a loser, and a user,
So I don’t need no accuser
To try and slag me down
Because I know you’re right.”