Caution: dribble in its purest form

"i'm not growing up, I'm just burning out." = a green day quote. How relevant.

Oh dear. Now I'm listening to some poignant songs. "watch over me, Bernard Fanning; miss you, Blink 182." Making me look back through that portal of time. I miss being seven. I miss childhood. Which is almost laugh-derisively-out-loud because a lot of people would say i'm still IN frickin childhood...and i'm just squandering the years away.
But it's different to how it was.
I hate Brisbane.

That is one of my biggest fears, going back there. If i was offered 2 million dollars, just to see the people i used to know over there, my response would be exactly the same... "over my dead body."
I don't think about it much anymore. I suppose that's out of 3 years of trying to block it out of my mind. It's like there's this big blackhole in my memory and so it jumps from a tearful Kate preparing for take-off on the plane; a small, narcistic, arrogant, but still ok and not yet fucked-up kid...and then i'm here, at mlc...some person who is almost unrecognisable- still vain, still arrogant, but in a different way. I miss the years before, but more so, the person.

Kate wrenches herself from her nostolgia. I apologise. Stupid Kate. Please ignore her.

I went swimming in the sea today, for the first time in about a year. Isn't it strange, how people just stand there in the water? Unmoving except for the subtle body sway as the waves rock them like babies. Just a line of people, literally hundreds of people, congressing down the line of where the ocean sucks on the sand, no more than 2 feet in the blue. J ust standing; the odd one or two floating on their backs. I don't understand. I always feel so self-conscious at the beach. I tell myself it's stupid, that to stop being a damn introvert; of course people aren't looking at you, and if they do, well, you're just one sight among millions. No one's going to base their lifes study around "the time i saw Kate Prendergast and felt __". But still, there's just so many PEOPLE. It's like, don't you people have anything better to do? I mean, what are you all doing at the beach? Oh? oh. I see your point. No, no, the beach probably is the best option on a sweltering day like this. right.

I saw Amy's new boyfriend for the first time today. Yes, she's got a new one. His name is Josh. He is SUCH a suck-up to the parents. Seriously. He may as well be our butler. Oh, and just to throw it in there, Amy plans to dump him soon, as she confided to me. "not funny enough. Too serious." Sister likes the chiselled, buff and daredevil dudes. We are so different. Those people...they don't do anything for me. (sorry sam). It's people like, people like...
[the audience waits in tension for an insight into this topic Kate has never really personally elaborated on. And no, despite what i'm sure you all believe, i am not gay]
people like... (deleted)

QUOTES OF THE DAY:

Sam: I wonder if we'll ever be put into songs or tales.
Frodo: [turns around] What?
Sam: I wonder if people will ever say, 'Let's hear about Frodo and the Ring.' And they'll say 'Yes, that's one of my favorite stories. Frodo was really courageous, wasn't he, Dad?' 'Yes, my boy, the most famousest of hobbits. And that's saying a lot.'
Frodo: [continue walking] You've left out one of the chief characters - Samwise the Brave. I want to hear more about Sam. [stops and turns to Sam]
Frodo: Frodo wouldn't have got far without Sam.
Sam: Now Mr. Frodo, you shouldn't make fun; I was being serious.
Frodo: So was I. [they continue to walk]
Sam: Samwise the Brave...

Sam: (to Frodo) I made a promise...Gandalf said "Don't you leave him, Samwise Gamgee," and I don't mean to. I don't mean to.

Frodo: [after destroying the Ring] I can see the Shire. The Brandywine River. Bag End. The Lights in the Party Tree.
Sam: Rosie Cotton dancing. She had ribbons in her hair. If ever I were to marry someone, it would have been her. It would have been her. [sits down and begins to cry]
Frodo: [leans over and hugs him] I'm glad to be with you, Samwise Gamgee, here at the end of all things.

Frodo: I can't do this, Sam.
Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?
Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.

yeah, yeah. shutup.